A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to read the earlier published blogs on ‘Emotional Maturity’. They are NOT a prerequisite to reading this blog, though reading them would help in a better understanding of this blog. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon, on the topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

BhAvanA: PrasAd, when you called yesterday and asked if we could meet, I thought you wanted to discuss on something urgently. You also told me that you will tell me why you wanted us to meet, when we meet. You look preoccupied, are you alright?

PrasAd: I don’t know, BhAvanA. On one hand, we are discussing so much about Emotional Maturity. On the other hand, it is so tough to accept facts, understand that someone is acting the way they are, because of their background. When a situation unfolds, the first thing I seem to do is to react. It takes a couple of hours to calm down and see things for what they are.

BhAvanA: What do you do in those two hours?

PrasAd: Mull over, wonder what went wrong, think of whether I expected something and my reaction was because I did not get what I expected; then I think of all the discussions that we have been having on Emotional Maturity. I then ask myself that after all this reading and the intense discussions that we have been having on this topic what have I internalised at all, if I am not able to follow it? My inner growth has not happened, BhAvanA and that irks.

BhAvanA goes silent for a while, in the thought that anything she would say may boomerang.

After a loaded silence, PrasAd looks at BhAvanA in askance.

BhAvanA: If you ask me, I would say that the thought of Emotional Maturity striking you after you react; and the relatively short time that you take to get back to normalcy is by itself progress, isn’t it? You said it – that you wonder if your reaction is due to your expectation. Therein lies your awareness.

PrasAd: Hmmmn, that makes me feel better. The expectations also comes from my own likes and dislikes. I want something to happen or someone to do something in the way I like it to be done; and happen the way I dislike it it to happen. My likes and dislikes put me in a position wherein I am unable to discriminate between what is right and wrong.

BhAvanA: What is right and wrong is a matter of interpretation isn’t it?

PrasAd: Is it, BhAvanA? If everything right or wrong is based on interpretation, then nothing can be right for everyone and wrong for everyone, so how does one conform to an order or to a law?

BhAvanA: Everyone is aware of what is right or wrong. None of us like to be cheated, none of us like to be robbed, none of us like to be insulted, none of us like to be lied to.. all of us like to be helped, all of us like to be respected, all of us like to be told the truth to; and the list goes on.. All of us are aware that when others cheat, rob, hurt, insult us, they are wrong. However when we do the same, we maybe aware that we are wrong also; but we could be driven by priorities that would make us override what is right and needs to be done.

PrasAd: Then that is how others are also driven isn’t it? By their own priorities which supersedes the order or even the values they live by?

BhAvanA: Absolutely.. That’s where Emotional Maturity comes in. When one is emotionally mature, one is aware whether one’s action is right or wrong. Forget the world knowing it, we would know it, though we may choose to interpret it differently due to our priorities. We are mature enough to differentiate and know if what we are doing is right or wrong, but immature when we interpret it differently!!

PrasAd: Oh My, that sounds powerful, BhAvanA.. I am just thinking – there are situations where what someone is doing cannot be judged as right or wrong, though I may be hurt by what they are doing?

BhAvanA: Like what, PrasAd?

PrasAd: When I meet someone I have known for a while, I expect them to speak to me for some time; if they don’t do that I am hurt. I have a relative who has not called me for his son’s wedding while he has called a few other relatives; that makes me feel hurt.. In both the situations, they have done something and I think they have been unfair to me. What did I do for them to behave with me like that?

BhAvanA: PrasAd, anyone can hurt you only to the extent that you allow them to do so. If we could accept people with all their limitations, anxieties, fears, insecurities, it is then easier for Emotional Maturity to build and inner growth to happen.

PrasAd: Tough BhAvanA. When I think the other person is the reason for me to feel hurt, acceptance is a far cry. Neither do I know how to deal with the situation nor do I know to deal with the person.

BhAvanA: PrasAd, what I read in the book seems to me as strategies to handle the person.

– keep a distance between you and the person, till you are ready to deal with them

– get away from that person and return to face them when you are ready to do so

– say what you need to say to the person

– be patient because that is not the time to act in any other way

You can do any one of these or a combination of these as you deem fit to handle the person, so long as you DO NOT ALLOW yourself to be hurt.

PrasAd: Which means that I need to think and act than just react? Is it possible for me as an individual to be in a situation and stand away from it mentally? And later act as appropriate? As I am asking this question, I am also visualising standing a few feet away from the situation, though I am actually deep in it. Wait, so mentally I am then keeping a distance and this will help me to understand how to deal with it? Interesting that I could be in a situation and with a person and yet be far away from them.

BhAvanA: So from ‘getting past’ you are now talking about ‘standing away’. Interesting terms and dimensions!! I am going to miss these discussions, PrasAd.

PrasAd: What makes you say that?

BhAvanA: I just felt that we are at the end of our discussions on this topic. I don’t have a reason to give as to why I felt so.

PrasAd: You are right, BhAvanA. I thought we have discussed a lot on this topic. It is time for us to contemplate more and also implement whatever we have learnt so far from one another. I suggest we stop discussion on this topic here.

BhAvanA: Well PrasAd, I hope to meet you one day and say that I have become far more Emotionally Mature than what I was before. See you soon!!

PrasAd: I should thank you for listening to my thoughts and opening my eyes and helping me to see things from a different perspective.  This discussion has been possible only because of the book ‘Talks on Emotional Maturity’ by pujya swAmiji.. What an amazing teacher he is!!  Hope to meet you back, with yet another topic to discuss, BhAvanA 🙂