Am I handling my emotions or are my emotions handling me?

As an individual, it is reality that I would experience each of these diametrically opposite emotions, at different moments of my life.

I have elucidated on a few examples that I have experienced or have heard from someone.. 

1. As a teacher, I encourage my children to make mistakes and also show them ways in which they could review their own work, spot the mistakes and correct them. As a parent, it is extremely challenging for me to see my child make a mistake and will rush to point out their mistake and also give solutions to correct them. 

2. As a corporate professional, I give responsibilities to the people working with me, hand hold some of them when they execute these responsibilities, support them in whichever way possible. As a parent, I give responsibilities to my children and expect them to execute these responsibilities without any help from me and if they need help, they have to ask.

3. When my child talks in a tone that seems rude and asks me questions that make me uncomfortable, I use words that that cause hurt and silence the child.. When my parent (s) talks in a tone that seems rude and asks me questions that are uncomfortable, I go quiet.. 

Similar situations but in different roles that I am handling.. Where is this difference stemming from in the way I am, in any two situations? Is it my expectations from people? Is it my expectations from myself, given these two roles? 

1. My friend has always been looking upto me for suggestions, advice and feedback; and I have also shown my liking to give her my suggestions, advice and feedback.. There are times when I have taken decisions for her too.. This has been happening for years. Suddenly one day, I tell her that she cannot keep looking upto me to take decisions for her or for suggestions, advice and feedback. I also tell her that she needs to be independent enough to take her decisions, make mistakes and move on.

2. My daughter has been always hovering around me, right from childhood. When I talk to any other child, she does not like it. When I am on the phone talking to someone else, especially when she wants me to play or talk with her, she does not like me talking to others. My life has always revolved around my daughter and I was proud to say so to others – that my daughter wants me around all the time. Suddenly, I find this overpowering and overwhelming. I see that my daughter is possessive and ‘I am’ not getting the space to do what ‘I want’ to do..

3. Right from the time I have been married, I have done all the work which I thought was my duty to do.. I have made sure that what I cook is healthy, tasty and in the right temperature when my family comes to the dining table. I have ensured that my husband’s / children’s clothes are washed, ironed and kept in the place where they can find it. I have made sure that all the bills are paid on time and all documents are in a place where they can be found in a minute or two.. Suddenly, I find all this claustrophobic and I feel like screaming loud to say, “For heaven’s sake, please do your job yourself. I want to do something for myself and I need the ‘Me time’ to do it”. 

Same person (s) and situations are also the same but there is an elapse of time and there is a sea change in my expectations.. How did this change come about? Why this change? What has changed in me that what was acceptable and liked by me, is no longer acceptable to me or liked by me?

What has made me happy with one person has made me angry with another? What has given me happiness in one moment has given me sorrow in another? What determines my emotions – is it people, situations or is it my own expectations that rule my life?

When I start looking at any one of these situations that I may have encountered, the challenges I face in handling them and the many questions that follow, I am able to look at it from a third person’s perspective.. Along with it also comes certain thoughts on how I could handle my emotions and there on the situations.. This certainly brings a sigh of relief and with it a thought of, “Whew!!! Why didn’t I do this earlier instead of just agonizing over it? At least now I know what to do; no use in doing a postmortem. Let me start working on it.”

When I look at the situations shared by others, it gives me an opportunity to look wide eyed at the plethora of permutations and combinations. in the situations life reveals to us..