A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to first read the 3 parts of ‘Stroke in the canvas called ‘The Value of Values’ to keep with the flow.. Even though the language used by pUjya swAmiji in this book is simple, his explanations are so profound that I wish I do justice in aligning my understanding to his explanation; as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon these values, is due to an error in my understanding alone..
amAnitvam means absence of self conceit. This word takes its root from the Sanskrit word – mAnah which means self respect or self esteem extending to also conceit or haughtiness.. Here it also means that while one has certain qualities / qualifications, one thinks that these qualities / qualifications need to be respected by others. When the word mAnah is combined with the word ‘tvam’ which means you, I assume that it means the conceit or haughtiness in ‘you’; and amAnitvam hence being absence of conceit means it is a value that ‘you’ (or rather ‘we :-)) need to have. Does this sound confusing? Well I hope the shroud of confusion clears as you read further on..
I have always had a question on whether there is something called superiority complex and inferiority complex. If there is, then is the superiority complex a mask to cover the inferiority complex that is present? When I read the explanation of this value, this question seems to have found its answer.
Self respect or self esteem as a trait is one that every individual needs to have; one that will help an individual to stand tall and stride confidently. When we start demanding that others respect us for what we are, what we do and how we act in situations, is when the challenge begins. This demand is an implicit one in us. We are comfortable or rather should I say happy, when others accede to this unspoken demand and appreciate us for what we are and what we do; and feel hurt when they dont.
We have certain qualities / qualifications but we also find it difficult to accept ourselves as an individual with what we have. These are not educational qualifications alone but perhaps values that we hold and abilities that we have.
Where does this non acceptance come from? It stems from our inability to accept ourselves as one with the qualities / qualifications
Is it because of our not being ready to accept the qualities / qualifications that we have? Is it because of a feeling that we are not good enough?
Is it because we have high expectations from ourselves and we always seem to fall short of meeting them?
Is it also because we think we have these qualities / qualifications that others do not possess, making us feel that ‘I am much better than them?’; and which we think others need to acknowledge? We constantly demand that others respect us for ‘what’ we are and ‘how’ we are.
When we see that they do not seem to respect us over a period of time, does our self esteem take a beating? Is this when we also mask that low self esteem while there is always that ‘I am better than them’ feeling that gets radiated, thus giving it that tint of conceit and haughtiness (here comes the inferiority and superiority complex). Needless to say that we do not want others to see our vulnerabilities but only our qualities / qualifications.
I had recently been to a relative’s house – one that is a penthouse that he had bought almost 20 years back, which also has a beautiful terrace garden. When I complimented on his beautiful house, he said to me more than once that it is a small house; a thought that never struck me. Is his own doubt about his qualification of having a beautiful house made him make this statement? Did the fact that every time he would say ‘It is a small house’ I would respond saying, ‘No it is a beautiful house and big enough’, make him feel comfortable? Big enough for whom? Did he dream of having a big house which is not fulfilled and hence he feels that anything else falls short of his qualifications?
Others may not give us the respect that we demand – they may have their own mAnitvam.. they may also expect us to give respect to their qualifications.. or they feel that we are not reciprocating and they hence do not want to give.. This certainly is a vicious cycle. A cycle that hurts all people involved.. A hurt that seems as though healed over time but the healing is an illusion. The feeling of hurt suddenly seems to spring out from the memory and the hurt reopens. Many such hurts are collected and one seems to be forever in that feeling.
Nice to read, tough to practice and perhaps calmness when it becomes a habit – We have our abilities, which need to used in every possible situation it is supposed to be used. People who respect these abilities will respect us for having these abilities when the situations are right for them to do so. They may also choose to ignore them or even belittle them if they do not have a value for them. There are also times when people are not able to express their respect. In our need to demand respect, we many times spend so much of our time trying to analyse why they did not respect our abilities. What a waste of our time, when there could be so many reasons why others maybe how they are.. Is it possible not to allow either their acceptance or non acceptance to affect us? How do we do that?
To me the following just appeared as answers, though as tips to lose / eliminate mAnitvam (conceit or haughtiness) and enjoy / experience amAnitvam (absence of self conceit) ..
– Whatever opportunities that came our way were given to us to learn and grow
– Whatever resources that we had in our journey in life – be it a book or a person we met or a suggestion / advice / direction from someone , was given to us at the right time
– Whatever we have achieved and whatever we have accomplished is due to the opportunities that came our way
– Whatever abilities that we have, were provided to us
– Whenever the need to demand for others to respect our qualities / qualifications comes, think of the above 4
– Whenever others do not respond the way we want them to, watch the feelings that run thru.. Watch the thoughts that occur.. Watch the reactions that spring..
The first step to live life simply and with no complications..
May 4, 2017 at 9:46 am
Yes, Well said, the first step is to live life simply without creating any complications to ourselves, and that will no doubt facilitate acquiring AmAniTva. Simple life has been very aptly defined as:
– Whatever opportunities that came our way are there to learn and grow
– Whatever resources that we had in our journey in life – be it a book we got or a person we met for a suggestion / advice / direction was meant to be made use of by us at the right time
– Whatever we have achieved and whatever we have accomplished is due to the opportunities that came our way
– Whatever abilities we have, were provided to us for making use of to the best advantage of all but not for self alone.
The Sanskrit word ‘amAniTva’ directly means ‘humility’ and ‘modesty’ and therefore mean more than mere absence of ‘non-conceit’ or ‘non-pride’ or ‘non-haughtiness’ or no-self-respect and so on. Such a meaning may also take us to ‘absence of desire for reverence by others’ or simply ‘not worrying about in what state I am in others esteem’.
Once that become clear, all doubts associated with what happens if I am humbled or even disgraced would have no room at all.
This is the first attribute or value prescribed by BagavaTgITA for a person wanting to be a ‘KsheTragya’ or knower of Kshetra (place-material body- into which the feeling of ‘I’ consciousness resides). Why is this prescribed? If not acquired, trivial things will distract the seeker from the path of higher knowledge viz., Self.
This also obviates the need to split the word into A+MAn+i+Tva leading to further complex explanations.