There were some conversations that mAnvi would definitely want to have with her thAthA. This was one of them. The reasons for her need for conversations with her thAthA, were a few –

the clarity the conversation with him would bring to her,

offloading of some of her thoughts which will free space, for her to think or,

just the sheer joy a conversation with him would bring.

It was a process that both mAnvi and her thAthA believed in and followed as well –  When one of them was in deep thought, the other would wait till they came out from their deep thought. This may take sometimes hours to happen but the wait will happen.

When mAnvi emerged from her deep thought, her thAthA waited for her to start the conversation with him.

mAnvi: thAthA, you are always a person who has stood up for me each time and and every time.

I recently heard someone saying that they have stood up for someone else many times and they did not see it being reciprocated. The lack of reciprocity upset them. I wonder if one reaches the threshold, the lack of reciprocity which wasn’t a matter at all, suddenly matters.

thAthA: Interesting mAnvi, that reaching a threshold changes what matters!!!

mAnvi: thAthA, happens to all of us isn’t it? When we take the effort to stand up for someone and we don’t see it being reciprocated, it does get registered and recorded in our mind space. When it keeps happening again and again and instead of standing for us, they question us or support someone else, the recording plays loud within us. I wonder if that’s when it jars within us and something within us goes kaput.

thAthA: What do you mean by something going kaput?

mAnvi: I think there is a break in trust. We may not distrust them but we don’t trust them completely. It then becomes a conditional trust.

thAthA: That’s a rather powerful and strong statement, mAnvi. Eloborate..

mAnvi: It means thAthA, that we will trust the other when they meet certain conditions of ours. This trust is to be earned by them again and until then, we hold trusting them.

thAthA: That’s a lot of work then isn’t it, mAnvi, to earn the trust again? Will you  becoming your  own upstander then help?

mAnvi: Upstander? What’s that, thAthA?

thAthA: Upstander is one who stands up for what is ‘right’.. they stand for others who they think are ‘right’..

mAnvi: So when you say you are your own upstander, you mean you are up standing for yourself, I mean standing up for yourself? You don’t look for others to do it?

thAthA (smiling as he heard her words): You are right, mAnvi. You don’t look at others to be your crutch.. You are your own..

mAnvi: That’s looking at it very differently, thAthA. When I am looking for others to stand up for me, I am handing over my balance which is my crutch, to them. They may not want to hold my crutch anymore and that’s when my balance is tipped.

thAthA: Go on, mAnvi…

mAnvi: When I stand up for myself,  I take a call on when to do it, whom to do it with and when I can choose not to do it? That’s almost like choosing to fight my battles isn’t it, thAthA?

thAthA: If you want to look at it as a battle, you fight for it, mAnvi.. Think about it – when you look at it as a fight, what changes – your body language, your tonality and the choice of words you use? Then it becomes you against the other and scoring a win on the other?

When you fight a battle, everything has the chance to become a tool to attack. If you look at it as a situation that you need to stand up for yourself for, then the lens with which you look at things will become different. There maybe no winning or losing here, there is only looking for how to better yourself, if not now, then later.

mAnvi: Interesting thAthA.. in which case

– I become my own crutch..

– I learn to balance myself..

– Over a period of time, the standing up for myself is so natural a process that the crutch become invisible..

– It feels good when others stand up for me and it is ok if they don’t.. I can, I will and I do, for myself..

For mAnvi, it was a moment of feeling tall, thinking of being an upstander for herself..

For her thAthA, it was a moment of feeling tall by just watching mAnvi..

They formed a mutual admiration society indeed!!!