I have heard people saying “When you are doing something, just take a step back and try looking at it dispassionately or from a 30,000 feet view, things will become clear”. I have tried it and I seem to have only got mired deeper and deeper in it, the way one would get deeper into quicksand, as they try to get out of it.

Of course, I do look at situations dispassionately, much after the act is done with and enough emotions are spent :-). There are also those times when years go by before the dispassionate ‘looking’ is done. Then start the regrets and the rest is history (pun intended :-))

Well, there are those ‘Eureka’ and ‘Aha’ moments when we get the opportunity to look into what is going on within us, almost immediately after the incident has happened. Quite unfortunately, nothing can change what has happened but any remedial action can be taken immediately, saving years of prolonged agony of thoughts of ‘Why did this happen?’, ‘Should I have been careful of what I said or did?’ and the question list can go on..

I went through one such moment recently when I attended a workshop on Adolescent Counselling Skills. During one of the sessions, I had what I call a ‘confrontation’ wherein I disagreed with what another person attending the workshop said and I was pretty vehement in my disagreement. For about half an hour after that (and fortunately for me, it was a lunch break), I was relatively quiet and I could see the wheels going round and round in my mind. There was a lot of commotion and noise inside me and a distinct feeling of discomfort. As I mulled over, I realised that the discomfort in me was created by the impact the ‘confrontation’ had on me. Whew!!

The ‘Eureka’ and ‘Aha’ moment was when realisation hit me that I don’t like confrontations. I generally avoid them by agreeing to what someone says or by mildly disagreeing with what they are saying. I will eventually comply to what is said. Needless to say, I will also justify to myself why they are right in saying what they did. When I asked myself “Where is this stemming from?” the answer I got was “From the need to have harmony.” Despite the churns and the discomfort that was running riot in me, I could see a glimmer of a smile in me. A smile that was a reflection of happiness of getting to know myself a little more, thanks to the ‘confrontation’.

Looks like sharing of such reflections and realisations are certainly contagious :-).. When I happened to share on this with a couple of people, their response was interesting enough. In that moment of self reflection, this friend of mine said that for her it was it was ‘new people and new environment’. She said that she clams up in a new environment and when she sees a larger group of people especially when they are new to her. And at that time of self reflection, she was with people who were new to her and in a new environment. A ‘Eureka’ and ‘aha’ moment for her? Perhaps it was.

A few days later, when I shared on this with someone else, they said “You know what – Just a few days back, I was with a group of people in a get together. I am a person who loves being around people and that day I realised that I have moved away from many of my friends. I just don’t socialise with these friends and even when I am called for a get together, I return home really as fast as I could. As you shared your ‘confrontation’ discomfort, I am thinking back on my ‘socialising’ discomfort. I was wondering what was putting me off for a few hours after I return home from these get togethers. Now I know the reason and knowing the reason has eased so much of my tension.”

It is rather strange because, as an individual I certainly don’t seem to come across as someone who  has discomfort in ‘confrontations’ (as per a couple of friends who happened to be within a earshot); this friend of mine certainly does not come across as someone who shies away from new people, new environment or large groups (she is a chirpy, bubbly person who is all smiles and jokes much of the time though looking back, she does take time to settle into a new environment and talk to people freely); as for the person who said that he is off socialising with some of his friends – tough to believe, being the gregarious and people loving person that he is.

We all carry our own baggage, some of which we carry without even knowing that we are carrying them. Certainly people around many times also don’t get to see these baggage. We can mask what we know and others get to know when this mask is torn off. We cannot mask what we don’t know and hence others also may not get to see it.

I don’t know if it is possible to take a step back consciously, when we are in the midst of a situation that is unfolding and we are also emotionally involved in the situation. I know though for sure that I am looking forward to these moments, as getting to know myself is becoming more and more interesting than getting to know others. Wish I knew this earlier, I would have invested well on knowing and understanding myself :-)..

As the old adage goes ‘Better Late Than Never.’ Optimistically waiting for many more such ‘Eureka’ and ‘Aha’ moments 🙂

If you have had your ‘Eureka’ and ‘Aha’ moments, do share them 🙂