It was a night that had brought in silence after a heavy thundering downpour. A downpour of noisy emotions, leaving in its wake two bruised people; bruised with the words and the expressions that they heard and saw being flung at each other.  Two people who found comfort in each other, two people who respected each other for what the other person was, two people who thought they would bring the best out of each other.. and here they did what never in the wildest of their dreams they would have imagined to do – bringing out the worst in each other.. There was just silence that could be heard all around them. A silence that was not comforting but one that had the power to make both of them go into a deep thought..

He heard her saying softly, “Maybe I should call you ‘Harsh’ like the way we say the word in English and not ‘Harsh’ as you are called.”

The softness in her voice only made him smile as he knew that she was into her deep introspection mode. A mode in which she was sure going to say and ask something that would make both of them sit up and think.

He said, “Well, I can’t say the same thing for you. Though if I now call you ‘Steel’ and not ‘Sheetal’ as you are otherwise called, it would be befitting for you.”

He could hear her smile and also saw a tear falling.

She asked him (or did she ask herself?), “Why did we do this to each other? Why did we throw words at each other? Why did we show such grotesque expressions while we spoke? Is there so much of dislike inside us for each other? How do we handle our relationship after this?”

Every question that she asked, silenced him further. Every question was like a steel rod, digging deep in him. He knew that the same steel rod was digging deep in her too.

“You know Harsh, when two people really love each other, why do they hurt each other by what they say? Shouldn’t we be able to talk in a way that appeals and not repel one another?”

“I am not sure, Sheetal. I don’t know if every time I can speak in a way that appeals to you. I may be in a frame of mind that does not allow me to think and I may say something in the heat of the moment that I may not mean. The intent also may not be what you think it is.”

“Dangerous, Harsh. I feel the same about myself but then look what we have done to each other today, by speaking out what we wanted to; and not stopping to think before we said anything.”

“Funny isn’t it Sheetal, that we want to be ourselves wearing no masks but when we are ourselves, it does not appeal to the other person? Are we sometimes faking ourselves to each other? Can we afford to be ourselves to the other?”

“I saw a nasty side of myself today and I am scared, Harsh.”

Harsh was thinking to himself, “Now this is what I admire about her. That ability to critique herself. Wish I could do it with the same ease as she does. But then, I am not her and she also cannot be me.”

Sheetal could not stop that shudder from running thru her body, “When you said certain things that was the bitter truth about me and I saw your face as you said it, I wanted to also hit back. That immediate reaction controlled me. I also gave in to that need. That’s hitting below the belt isn’t it?”

“It is below the belt and it did hurt but you know what I understood? I understood that what we think is our strength is also our weak point. I think you are as much my strength as my weakness and that scares me more.”

“Harsh, I am also scared for what the future will bring. We have decided to have children. This incident I am sure will leave certain scars in both of us. How do we handle any similar situation in the future?”

“I am not sure if I have any answers to your question, Sheetal. Now that we know what we are capable of doing to each other, we need to be aware of what we say, before we say anything. Perhaps we need to spend some time alone to think.”

“Actually, this applies to every relationship isn’t it? But if we have to be careful with everyone all the time, when can we be ourselves and with whom can we be ourselves? Makes me think of this quote ‘If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I?’ But then we are actually ourselves in many situations with many people. It is just that there are times when we do put on a mask. The mask becomes heavy to wear and that overwhelms us more than anything else.”

“You can actually answer your own questions, can’t you?  Yes, this will leave a scar in both of us but each of us also have the capability to heal ourselves and each other. Guess the best is to be thankful that we can look at a situation objectively – being there in the thick of the situation and yet looking at it from an outsider’s perspective. We have a weekend ahead of us fortunately. This would give us time to think and engage in activities that will help us to heal ourselves and perhaps each other too. I guess one of our positive traits is our capacity to put things behind us and move on.”

Sheetal’s thought as she stepped out of the room was, “Did I find myself a husband or a wonderful friend?”