Munching my snacks or rather my plan on how to go to the tree and to the monastery, I did not realise that it was dinner time.. The loud dinner gong that makes its sound felt through out my really really BIG house, shakes me from my thoughts.. Meal times are always a formal affair and one has to be neatly attired to be seated in the dining table. There were no leniencies on this.. I quickly change into my long gown, tie the sash and run down the stairs.


As I come closer to the dining hall, I pace my run to a slow walk. “Running to the table or for that matter anywhere, is unlady like” is my father’s view. I enter the dining room and seated in the long table are 3 people. The lady who is the chief of the kitchen and very protective of me (of course this never is in front of my father), while standing catches my eye and shakes her head.. “Oh god!!! Am I in a soup again?”. My father says, “When will you behave the way you are to behave? Again you came running.”  “How does he know every thing of what I do? Does he have ears on the doors also?”. The sympathetic eye, the disapproving eye and the watching eye – all on me now!! I lower my eyes and myself too in the chair and get ready to eat the 5 course dinner. 


Dinner is an elaborate affair and dining etiquette is to be strictly followed. I just wait for my father to finish his dinner so that I could excuse myself. “I want to help in cleaning the table. Can I?” I look at my grandfather for his support. He does not give his opinion on anything unless my father asks him for it. This time I knew he would, because I had shared with him how people laughed at the way I was cleaning the dining area in the monastery. “Let her help as she needs to learn to do it, when she helps in the monastery”. My father just nods his head with the disapproving eye now spouting sparks, both at my grandfather and me. For me, more than cleaning the table it is the chance I get, to share with the lady of the kitchen, everything that happened that day, right from the time I went to school. I also get to sit on one of my favorite places in the house – the kitchen platform, and talk to the lady, as she eats. I can’t tell her what I am planning for the next day, as she will get worried for me. As soon as she finishes eating, I leave to spend the little time left, at another favorite place of mine. 


This is a beautiful room that has a baby piano in it. This is where my father spends an hour or so after dinner talking to the disapproving eyed person before he retires to bed. If I am lucky, I get some minutes in that room before he comes. I love this room because it has huge French windows through which a soft cool breeze always wafts in. From this room I can also see the beautiful roof of the monastery, if I sit in the bench near the window. Staring through the window gives me a lot of peace and calmness. As I am about to leave, they both come in and I dread it because he will ask me to do something that I don’t want to do – play the piano. I don’t have the courage to tell him that I don’t want to play the piano and face his wrath and that disapproving eye again. So like many other days, I play for my father. When I finish playing, he just nods his head while the disapproving eye says, “You played better today but you need to play better”. I look at her and I am sure my eyes expressed my challenge to her, as though telling her that I have an upper hand in this skill. Getting back to my ‘lady like’ gait, I reach my room. My grand father stands there waiting for me, with his hands stretched out. I run into his arms and weep and weep and weep. 


He asks me if I will go to the monastery with him as he had some work there. Monastery is one place which my father can never give me a refusal for. I quickly go back to my room to change into my dress which I wear to the monastery. When I come out, my grandfather is waiting for me. I ask him, “Tomorrow while coming back from school I need to go to the tree for a few minutes. Will you take me? But…” Before I complete my sentence, my grandfather says, “Don’t worry. Your father will not know.”. 


With my plans made for the next day, I go to the monastery with my grandfather, happily anticipating the big smile and the short teaching I would receive from the old man, who always radiates a serenity and compassion..


I don’t feel like a square peg in a round hole, when I think of the old man!!