MAnvi’s wait, just being around her thAthA, in case he wanted to continue from where they left off, came to fruition.

thAthA: MAnvi this statement of yours, can you elaborate on it?  – “When I did not receive something and I kept feeling bad about it, it did not give any joy about feeling bad; but feeling bad about it did seem to fill a void.”

MAnvi: thAthA, I am giving examples from my experiences. You may want to look at it from yours, as I elaborate on it.

What do I want to receive?

– Goodness / happiness and that’s a huge umbrella

– Appreciation from others for what I have done

– Validation from others of whether what I did was right; and that in a way, is also waiting to receive appreciation

– Professional growth in the form of a milestone crossed / an achievement met

– Joy in personal life

– Support from someone / others

– Understanding from others / someone

– An object / material / asset / wealth that I have been working hard for

– A relationship that I have been yearning for / looking forward to have

etc etc etc

thAthA: What happens if you don’t receive any one of this or some of this, MAnvi?

MAnvi: It depends on how important it is for me to receive it, thAthA. It also depends on my state of mind. If receiving it is extremely important for me and / or my state of mind is at its low ebb, I feel bad about not receiving it.

Do I feel happy or joyful about feeling bad? Of course not.

But how does feeling bad seem to fill a void?

thAthA, when I don’t receive something,

– I look for answers for why I did not receive it. I am seeking an answer and that seeking seems to fill a void because I am hopeful to get the answer.

– I may justify the reasons why I did not receive it. In that process of justifying, I think a void seems to be filled because I think I know why I did not receive it.

– I sense that this is not the right time and place for me to receive it. This means that I am perhaps optimistic that I may receive it at a later point in time; and that optimism seems to fill a void

– I look at the background of the person from whom I was to receive it.  I may understand why I did not receive what I want to receive. My understanding seems to fill a void.

thAthA: This is very interesting, MAnvi. Is there a common factor to all of these, that may make you feel that a void seems to be filled?

MAnvi: thAthA, I am not sure if this is the common factor but as we discuss now, this is what occurs to me as the common factor – I think I have the answers to why I did not receive. That I have the answers seems to fill a void. thAthA, it is extremely gratifying when I think I have the answers and so the answers seem to fill a void. In addition, there are some more..

– I think I know..

– I think I will get..

– I think I understand..

– I am hopeful..

Knowledge, hope, optimism, understanding are all feel good factors, thAthA. These feel good factors seem to fill a void within me.

thAthA: Go on, MAnvi..

MAnvi: Strange isn’t it, thAthA that what I feel bad about, seems to fill a void due to some feel good factors. Temporary though the filling of a void may be, as it only ‘seems’ to be filled.

However, this feeling that a void has been filled (although seemingly so), gives the necessary impetus to move on in life. That movement in life gives some more feel good factors.. This is a cycle, thAthA –

not receiving –> feeling bad –> voids created –> seeking answers –> feel good factors –> a void seems to be filled –> move on in life  –> not receiving –> and the cycle goes on..

MAnvi’s thAThA got up from his seat and went over to where MAnvi was, and kept his palm on the top of her head. Her practice was to wait till he removed his hand and then move. For her, this gesture from her thAthA spoke volumes. For him, to make this gesture, it meant volumes.

The silence between them spoke many a thought.