A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to read the earlier published blogs on ‘Emotional Maturity’. They are NOT a prerequisite to reading this blog, though reading them would help in a better understanding of this blog. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon, on the topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

When BhAvanA and PrasAd meet up once again, they speak up at the same time. “I have something to say first.”

BhAvanA: Men first, PrasAd.

PrasAd: I continue to watch myself and in the process I have also become quiet. I can see some change in myself. I now realise that ‘growing old’ happens by itself while we need to make ‘growing up’ happen.

BhAvanA: So unlike reaction that is a happening, we need to make Emotional Maturity happen. Interesting!! We spend time and energy getting worked up on what is a happening, and let go of that which we need to make happen.

PrasAd: That’s a nice way of putting it, BhAvanA. What did you want to say when we met today?

BhAvanA: Same that you said :-). Going by what you said, there is an inner growth that happens  when we are alert to it.

PrasAd: Or we are alert to the situations that we face and become aware of ourselves, and so the inner growth happens?

BhAvanA: This sounds like the egg and the chick story. Which came before what?

PrasAd: BhAvanA, before we left last time you said something about being addicted to discussions. Don’t we all get addicted to something that we like?

BhAvanA: Yes, we do. But tell me, is it possible to always get what we like? Or is it possible not to get what we like? So if we get addicted to something, is that good or bad? Is it possible to have the same feeling whether we get what we like and don’t get what we like?

PrasAd: Hey wait, that’s one too many questions for me to answer. In my view, Sameness is what needs to be developed and that also brings in Emotional Maturity. I love the sanskrit word for sameness – samatvam. Whenever I hear this word samatvam, the image that comes to my mind is that of a balance, (a weighing one with 2 scales) with both scales having the same wight and hence balancing beautifully. I am not sure though, if Sameness and Emotional Balance are the same. Though they seem to mean the same, I feel there is a difference. Let me mull this over and perhaps we can discuss on this sometime later.

BhAvanA: Go on..

PrasAd: Sameness is in the way we accept results that we get from what we do. The results can be any one of the following possibilities and whichever is the possibility, the attitude with which we accept the result should be the same.

– It can be in line with what was expected

– It can be more than what was expected

– It can be less than what was expected

– It can be different from what was expected

BhAvanA: Explain with an example, PrasAd.

PrasAd: I will explain it with the same example that pujya SwAmiji uses. Somehow I am not able to think of an example that is more appropriate than this.

The situation is – You have to cross the road to catch a bus, to go home.

You cross the road, catch a bus and go home – The result is as you expected it to be.

You cross the road and you meet a close friend of yours who you have been wanting to meet for a while – The result is more than what you expected.

You cross the road but you miss the bus – The result is less that what you expected.

You cross the road but just as you attempt to cross, you are hit by a moving vehicle and being injured you are taken to a hospital – The result is different from what you expected it to be.

So, be it any of the possibilities of the outcomes, we need to accept it with an attitude that reflects a sameness. That means take whichever result that you get, with the same attitude. I know I am repeating the same thing is different words, BhAvanA. This is just my way to understand this better.

BhAvanA: Are you saying that whether the result is lesser or higher that what I expect, I should take it in the  same way? That’s not possible, PrasAd. When the situation is something that presents innumerable challenges, and the outcome is more than I expected, I will be elated. When the stakes are high and the result is less than what I expected, I am likely to take it badly. As for situations where the results are different from what I expected, I may be devastated. But then the result that is different, could also be to my favour isn’t it? In which case, I will be elated.

This by itself will evoke a plethora of emotions in me, PrasAd. Given this, where is the possibility of the sameness of mind, or the attitude to accept whatever I get as the result of my action?

PrasAd: BhAvanA, as I hear you saying I am just wondering – when there is a plethora of emotions evoked, the time taken to move on to do anything else will be high isn’t it? If that is the case, it will lessen the time that we have, to mull over what happened and ourselves also. Situations happen back to back and if we are going to be submerged in emotions and reactions, where is the time for inner growth and Emotional Maturity?

BhAvanA: I am thinking aloud. Everything begins from expectations, isn’t it? So when they are met or unmet or different, we go through our own emotions and reactions. These expectations come from our own likes and dislikes. So if there is a sameness in our likes and dislikes, then expectations don’t even come into the picture, isn’t it?

PrasAd: You remember our discussion a few days back on likes and dislikes, and how they are connected to Emotional Maturity? It is a fact that we have our likes and dislikes, as much as it is a fact that there is a background to it. Likes and dislikes also trigger emotions in us. You are right, if we do not have likes and dislikes, expectations also are not there. Reality is that WE WILL have likes and dislikes and expectations come free with them :-). Given that they go hand in hand and as a package, what we need to know is how to handle when the expectations are met or unmet. This is where sameness of mind and the attitude to face such situations come into the picture, BhAvanA.

BhAvanA: I see what you mean, PrasAd. But how? There is so much of me that is connected to the others around me also. Others are in the situations as much as I am. How do I get past my expectations, from people and situations?

PrasAd: There is more to this than what we have discussed today. Let’s continue this discussion another day soon.

BhAvanA: This was yet another discussion that gives so much food for thought. Let me share my take aways from today’s discussion..

There are 4 possible result in any situation

– in line with what was expected

– more than what was expected

– less than what was expected

– different from what was expected

– Build the attitude of having the sameness of mind to accept any result