A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to read the earlier published blogs on ‘Emotional Maturity’. They are NOT a prerequisite to reading this blog, though reading them would help in a better understanding of this blog. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon, on the topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

PrasAd: I have been thinking of what you suggested, of watching myself and also about reaction being a happening. I understood that as much as others have a background to why they are doing what they are doing, I also have a background.

BhAvanA: Absolutely, PrasAd. We are as much like everyone else. In fact, I would say that accepting that we have a background, is Emotional Maturity.

PrasAd: What do you mean?

BhAvanA: We always find it relatively easy to understand and accept that others have a reason, which is their background, that makes them act the way they do. We also have our reasons or background for acting the way we do, isn’t it? If we can accept that of the others, why do we find it difficult to understand and accept that we have a background too?

PrasAd goes silent for a few minutes and this gives time for BhAvanA to introspect too.

PrasAd: Speaking for myself, I don’t want to understand my background because that would mean that I am also accepting that I have my limitations.

BhAvanA: Limitations?

PrasAd: Yeah..

BhAvanA: What is that now?

PrasAd: It means that I can only do so much or that I only have so much control over certain things, which includes my emotions.

BhAvanA: Oh!! And you find the fact that you don’t or rather can’t call the shots in everything, stops you from understanding and accepting it?

PrasAd: To be honest, yes.

BhAvanA looking at PrasAd’s expression decides not to probe on the topic.

PrasAd: What do you do when you know that you have your limitations in any situation?

BhAvanA: Well, I used to deny them too, because knowing that I have my limitations makes me feel helpless. It actually makes me feel that I am not good enough to win over it.

PrasAd: That sense of wanting!! That sense of inadequacy!! It is tough to know that I cannot call all the shots. I don’t share my feelings with anyone else because I am not sure who can help me. The only resort that I take refuge in, is god. I either pray at home or I go to a temple. That gives me a peace of mind and a strength that helps me to some extent. BhAvanA, wait. I suddenly remembered that you don’t believe in going to temples or in prayers. You don’t believe in god also?

BhAvanA: PrasAd, in the last few years I have started accepting the fact that I have my limitations also. That has made me feel frustrated and angry. The fact that I cannot control my frustration and anger, further makes me feel helpless and that makes me more angry. So when everyone at home tells me to pray so that I will feel better; or when they tell me to go to the temple, I don’t feel like doing so. That does not make me a non-believer though.

I believe that there is some power or force that is responsible for our creation. I am not able to give a specific form to it though. When I feel helpless, I pray to that force or power to help me.

PrasAd: Interesting!! So you don’t say any prayers?

BhAvanA: I don’t know if it is right or wrong PrasAd, but I am comfortable with it; but this also results in a lot of arguments at home and with the extended family – I think each one of my deep desire or need is a prayer by itself. Any one who is instrumental in helping me with that need or desire, I look upon as a manifestation of that power or force. So if I have to say it in your language – every one then is god to me and extending that, I am also the same to them.

PrasAd: I really don’t know much on this topic for me to discuss on this with you, but I can understand what you are saying. So what happens if that person did not help you in the way that you wanted them to?

BhAvanA: They still tried , didn’t they? I need to appreciate and accept that.

PrasAd: By that you are trying to live both our names..

BhAvanA: I don’t know what you mean.

PrasAd: Think back on what our discussion was, on the meaning of our names. I think that you have the attitude to gladly accept what you get. Oh my, that is Emotional Maturity, BhAvanA.

BhAvanA: I really have not thought of it that way, PrasAd. I know reading pUjya SwAmiji’s book, thinking and discussing with you, has helped me to start on this journey of Emotional Maturity. I know that I have a long way to go too.

In fact, I know a person who thinks a little differently. He says that he also thinks that there is a force or power who is the creator. He thinks this power is everywhere in the space. He prays only for things that are beyond his control because he cannot do anything about it. When he shared this with me, the serenity prayer as it is called, comes to my mind.

PrasAd: What is this prayer? I thought you don’t say them.

BhAvanA: The serenity prayer goes like this –

Oh god, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

Some words like serenity and courage are substituted by strength / maturity and effort respectively, by some people.

Personally, there are two statements that are really helping me to handle situations that I face is –

Accept facts

Everyone has a background they come with

I still react to situations but these two statements make me recover relatively faster. The third thing that I am now telling myself is the serenity prayer, as people call it. For me, it is like a deep desire, which I am seeking.

PrasAd: BhAvanA, there is so much I am taking away for myself, after every one of these discussions. As I see the list increasing and feel apprehensive about how I am going to become Emotionally Mature, the take aways from the discussions make it seem so doable..

BhAvanA: So what are the take aways this time?

PrasAd:

– Accept limitations

– Seek help when helpless (from people or through prayers)

– Build the attitude to gladly accept what you get

BhAvanA: These discussions are getting addictive, PrasAd. Will being attached to having these discussions, make me less Emotionally Mature? Guess this will be the next aspect in the discussion?? 🙂