A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to read the earlier published blogs on ‘Emotional Maturity’. They are NOT a prerequisite to reading this blog, though reading them would help in a better understanding of this blog. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon, on the topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

PrasAd: Whew!!! That certainly was not easy.

BhAvanA: If you are referring about thinking on how gladly and cheerfully you were able to accept the situations you faced in life, then you are right :-). But you know what PrasAd, when I go to a temple and they offer me a PrasAda, I may not like what I am being offered but I still take it. I may be expecting something to eat, possibly craving for it but I will take what is given to me. I may not eat it and may choose to bring it home or give it to somebody; but I perhaps will not sulk that I did not get what I expected to, at least not for a long time. Of course if someone else gets it and it is over by the time my turn arrives, I would feel bad and consider myself a trifle unfortunate. It is not always that I cheerfully and gladly accept the prasAda given at a temple also.

PrasAd: Precisely. That effectively means that we are able to gladly and cheerfully able to accept a situation ONLY when it is favorable to us, isn’t it? Though we are aware that we need to accept what comes our way, be it for our own emotional well-being or for others. As a child, when we did not get what we want we kicked and screamed and threw tantrums; and many times got what we wanted. As we grew older, we are to have overcome the kicking and screaming and throwing of tantrums. But have we? I am not so sure.

BhAvanA: Hmmn.. Interesting!! When we grow older, we may not kick and scream physically but we do kick and scream within ourselves. Both the internal kicking and screaming is a reflection of an anger within ourselves, which would perhaps express itself as an outwardly anger in some of us; and a suppression of the anger in some of us.

PrasAd: Yeah, I can see an anger building within me, when I see my inability to gladly and cheerfully face the situations in my life. What makes me even more angry, is when I find that there are others around me who seem to be facing the situations in their life, far better than I am. To be fair and honest, there are many more emotions in me that trigger negativity, than just anger.

BhAvanA goes quiet for a few minutes. She neither makes an eye contact with PrasAd.

PrasAd: BhAvanA, I am ready to hear what you need to share. Go on..

BhAvanA: PrasAd, can you answer a few questions? This will help me to explain better what I need to say.

PrasAd (smiles in all that anger :-)): When you are in a mood like this, I know I have no choice but to answer your questions. But yes, I am ready to answer.

BhAvanA: In situations that you faced, could you have stopped them from happening?

PrasAd: Not all of them, no.

BhAvanA: So it is a fact that some situations are beyond your control, isn’t it?

PrasAd: Yes.

BhAvanA: Could you have prevented some situations from happening?

PrasAd: Yes, I could have.

BhAvanA: So it is also a fact that you could have taken some pre-emptive measures for certain situations not to happen, isn’t it?

PrasAd: Yes.

BhAvanA: In a similar situation, you think you have seen some others handling it better than you have?

PrasAd: Yes. I think they approached the situation differently and had their own skills that they were good at.

BhAvanA: Are there situations where you think you have handled a situation better than some others?

PrasAd (goes quiet for a while and then answers): Quite a few, yes.

BhAvanA: So it is a fact that you have handled some situations well and some not, isn’t it? And this very well applies to the others as well?

PrasAd: True. I think I know where you are getting to, but go on..

BhAvanA: Firstly, we all come with a different context, different abilities and a different background. It is hence a fact that we also have our own limitations. Accept this fact. If you have limitations, so do others. This is also a fact.

Secondly, you face situations in your life over which you have NO choice. This is also a fact. I am sure you have heard of the story of this businessman, who was awaiting this ship that carried his family and all his wealth. When he comes to know that he has lost them, his first reaction is that of a shock and the question, “What?”. Then comes his response of, “So what?”. The “So what?” is one that stems from accepting the fact that he has lost things that are valuable to him. There is nothing that he can do about the fact that he has lost many a thing, and he knows it. Though that does not stop him from asking “What?”

The fact that he has accepted the facts is what helps him to let go of certain emotions, and also to know how to handle and face the situation. Tough but that’s reality. Easy to narrate and say but a challenge to implement. PrasAd, as much as it must be overwhelming to hear all this, it is for me too because I also am trying to grapple with the aspect of accepting facts. Only the “What?” comes easily, the “So what?” gets stuck in my throat.

I would like to leave you with these 3 statements that you will perhaps hear from me, during many more of our discussions on this topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’.

  1. Learn to let go
  2. Accept facts and situations
  3. Know how to handle and face, facts and situations

PrasAd (goes silent for a while and then says): My god!!! This BhAvanA is a different one from the BhAvanA I knew. You have grown within yourself and speak with such maturity. Seeing your growth, I can only ask “What?” and I don’t want to ask “So what?”

BhAvanA (smiles): Isn’t asking “So what?” also accepting and facing the fact that I have grown within myself and emotionally too? Or asking “So what?” gives you the feeling that it belittles my internal growth?

PrasAd just stands rooted to the spot at her growth and at the accuracy of her questions, wondering what else is in store for him in this journey.