MAnvi was sure that her question may not be answered by her thAthA. She knew that he would ask her more questions or share some thoughts that would make her think; and yet she couldn’t stop asking him. She learnt when she thought, more than when she heard the answer.

MAnvi: thAthA, why is closure so important for us?

thAThA: Explain, MAnvi.

MAnvi:

– If we start a task, we need to finish it

– If we start to say something, we need to finish it; if by chance, someone intervenes then we address that and we continue where we left off

– If a relationship doesn’t really work, then we keep trying to make it work; or we need to find out why it didn’t work

– If we learn to do something, we should do it the way it was done; experimenting comes much later

and the list goes on..

thAthA: Lets look at it from the few examples that you have given, MAnvi. Why do you think that finishing something, continuing from where something was left off, knowing why a relationship didn’t work, is so important? What happens if all this doesn’t get done?

MAnvi: It feels incomplete, thAthA. There is also a sense of desperation to make sure that it is complete in the sense of what we think is complete. If it isn’t finished or complete, the open loop gives a feeling of discomfort.

thAthA: That discomfort isn’t comfortable?

MAnvi: No, it is like that dress whose texture isn’t comfortable on the skin; and one wants to replace it with some other dress that feels comfortable on the skin.

thAThA: So if you aren’t able to finish or feel a completeness in something, what is the next resort?

MAnvi: Keep on trying and this trying never seems to end, unless we are forced to by someone else or by a situation.

I am not sure if this is the right example thAthA but I stronly resonate with what these characters in Mahabharata did – Be it a Dhritirashtra, Duryodana or a Karna or even a Yudhishtra (gambling away all that he had) – they wanted something and they kept trying to get it. The more they did not get, the more they became desperate. My resonation was only with this part of trying, not what I think were the unethical means they went about, to get what they wanted.

thAthA: You have brought in a powerful example to draw an anology, MAnvi. What do you think was the reason behind the need of these characters to complete what they wanted?

MAnvi: The need for security, thAthA. They felt that having a kingdom to rule will give them a sense of security. For a Yudhishtra, the need to win in the game of dice, would perhaps give him a sense of security.

MAnvi suddenly went quiet for a few minutes and her thAthA waited.

MAnvi: thAthA, if I draw a similar parallel, when a task isn’t finished or we were interrupted when we were sharing something or when we don’t know why a relationship didn’t work (and one we give substantial importance to), we feel that something is dangling and that can make us feel insecure. There is also a sense of desperation in us. In life, since there are quite such unfinished tasks and interrupted conversations and relationships that we don’t know why they didn’t work, the insecurity stays. We feel secure when we finish something or when we know what we think we need to know. So all the time, we look at closure of tasks to give us that sense of security, momentary though it maybe.

thAthA, I know that I have answered my own question

MAnvi’s thAthA waited again as he could sense a ‘but’ in MAnvi’s statement.

MAnvi: Can we be comfortable and secure despite unfinished tasks, interrupted conversations, unworked relationships and being ok with not learning the way it is done by someone else, amongst the many other open loops? If yes,

– how do we know how to do that?

– how do we cultivate that?

– most importantly, how do we bring in the thought of ‘it is ok for closure not to be there’? Well, if this thought can be brought in, the first two don’t matter, isn’t it? But how?

thAthA: However 🙂

An answer that MAnvi knew her thAthA may give, which meant that it was upto her to think thru and do what was best, to be ok with no closure..

NOTE: This blog emerged from a thought expressed in the Ninjutsu class..