Some conversations start just like that (is there a just like that or it is meant to start at that time?:-))..

MAnvi: thAThA, validation – we all seek it for different reasons, don’t we? The validation could be for quite some reasons..

– we wait for a go ahead from another, to initiate something.. We think that they know for sure what we need to do, than we are..

– we wait for someone to tell us that we are in the right directiom

– we await an appreciation from others for what we have done

– we look for hints and clues that tell us that what we are doing is in the right direction

– we expect gratitude from the other person to whom we may have rendered help

and the list goes on..

thAthA, where is the need for the validation stemming from?

More often than not, we know what we have done and how we have done, isn’t it? Isn’t that validation enough? Why seek from someone else?

Is it due to uncertainity? fear? insecurity?

It is not that once we seek validation, it is done and dusted. We seem to be looking for more and that becomes an insatiable need for validation.

thAthA: What happens if there isn’t any validation received, MAnvi?

MAnvi: Well, then some way is sought to seek it, thAthA.

Ask the other person directly about their thoughts..

Go about telling them what you thought and then ask their perspectives..

Twiddle thumbs and wonder why no one said anything.. and if no validation means not a good job done!!!

thAthA, there are people who seek validation ‘only from those who matter’.. Whether others validate or don’t doesn’t matter to them. Those who matter, are those they hold as competent.

thAthA: Interesting observation, MAnvi.

MAnvi: Then there are those who think ‘everyone matters’ and everyone’s validation is important. In my view, this is a stress point because the perspectives of each person is different and waiting for appreciation from anyone and everyone, is a hard ask.

thAthA: MAnvi, in a person’s life, are we also different people at different times, in terms of seeking validation? At times, as though ‘everyone’s validation matters’.. at times, as though, validation from ‘those who matter’.. and at times, as though ‘no one’s validation is important. I have mine and that’s all matters’..

MAnvi went speechless as she heard the last statement of her thAthA.

MAnvi: thAthA, when does this happen?

thAthA: MAnvi, any action of ours is either spontaneous or deliberate. When it is spontaneous, it isn’t planned, it is instinctive and intuitive and driven by perhaps an unconscious feeling or thought or energy. When it is deliberate, it is well thought of and certainly an informed decision.

An instinctive / intuitive action needs no validation and neither does a deliberate action, because it has been well thought of and we know the context best.

Do ‘others matter’ then ?

MAnvi: It is human to expect validation, thAthA.

thAthA: Expecting is but natural.. but know how to handle it when you don’t receive it. An action that is instinctive / intuitive more often than not results in a positive outcome.. A deliberate action is a choice that you have taken. If the outcome isn’t favorable, try again and keep moving. If it is, move to the next step.

If validation is the key to your happiness, let the key be with you..

MAnvi was sure that this conversation was meant to happen at the time it happend. These three statements of her thAthA, she was sure, will keep her in good stead..

–  No one’s validation is important. I have mine and that’s all matters..

– An instinctive / intuitive action needs no validation and neither does a deliberate action, because it has been well thought of and we know the context best.

– If validation is the key to your happiness, let the key be with you..

NOTE: The learning ‘any action of ours is either spontaneous or deliberate’ is from the book – What is my duty? by Pujya Swami Dayananda Saraswati.