My first encounter with books written by Desmond Morris was when I was working at Landmark Bookshop in Chennai, almost three decades back. I saw that they were selling well and that got me curious to find time to read these books, whenever I got free – The naked ape, The human zoo, Body watching, Man watching.. When the book Baby watching was published a few years later, I would tell that “If Desmond wrote a book called ‘Wall watching’, that would also sell well. Such was the extensivity of research in his books – specifically on Body Language.” While I love observing human behaviour, these books played a critical role in increasing this love for observing more. Needless to say, there is only so much a book can say; and what it says can be the same, can be more, can be less or can be different from my own observations.

What also got me thinking is that when I observe, I make my own perceptions. The inferences I draw thru my perceptions remain etched in my mind. This may also lead me to make assumptions, which may turn out to be true or untrue.

My truth is my reality. However ‘my’ truth may not be what is reality because it is based on my perspectives, inferences, assumptions.

This maybe very well be the situation when I hear what someome says about someone else. I draw my perspectives based on what the other person says and that is what I carry in my mind about them. When I meet them, I meet the image I carry of them in my mind but not the person I meet.

Isn’t that what happens with the others as well? They carry perceptions of me based on what they see of me, what they hear of me, what they have experienced with someone who looks like me or behaves like me. When they meet me, they meet the image they carry in their mind of me but they don’t meet me.

This is indeed very interesting because when we meet the image of a person we carry in our mind, we lose an opportunity of meeting the person. Whatever we perceive of them is thru the image we carry and when the image is pleasing, we take pleasing memories back with us. When the image we carry isn’t pleasing, the image we carry back with us is either the same or even more unpleasing that what we carried into the meeting. This radiates everytime we meet them or talk about them. Others then draw their inferences based on how they perceive our radiation.

What we perceive of the other person reflects in our thoughts, words and action. For example – when we perceive a person as stronger than us or that we are stronger than them (mentally / physically), the way we think about them or talk about them (or with them) and how we act with them, reflects our perception. We once again may meet the perceived person and not the person they are.

Ah!! What happens when we don’t want others to meet us but meet the person we want to project?? We put on our masks to create the projection. Others may carry back their own perceptions but not what we projected. The next time they meet us, they meet our masks and not us :-). Everytime we change our mask, they meet a diffeent person and yet not us. It is the odd time when someone actually meets us and not the mask and that stuns us!!! I wonder who is losing an opportunity – we for not giving an opportunity to be ourselves or others who lose the opportunity to meet a beautiful person!!! or rather we, for not meeting such a beautiful person that we are!!

Why is it such a hard ask to not perceive, infer and assume?

Why is it a hard ask to not project?

Why is it a hard ask to not be ourselves?

Questions that are a hard ask to answer :-).. Is it a hard ask to answer or we don’t want to answer? When we don’t want to answer and we say it is a hard ask, that’s also projection, isn’t it?

It is indeed a rare phenomenon that we meet someone who isn’t meeting their image of us but meeting us. It is equally a rare phenomenon that others are meeting someone who isn’t meeting an image of them but meeting them. Each one of us have someone like that and we are that someone to them.

Such rare phenomenons and people need to be valued, cherished and held close to our heart.

More rare is the phenomenon of each of us not meeting the image we have created of ourselves but meeting who we are!! If we cannot meet ourselves, who else will?

When we meet ourselves, every moment is one of celebration!! Life is to be celebrated!!

NOTE: This blog emerged from a discussion on perceptions, in the Ninjutsu class.