A question that has been on my mind constantly the last few days has been, “What makes people to seek praise from others?”

Is it wrong to seek praise? Personally I don’t think there is anything right or wrong about seeking praise. Everyone of us likes to hear a nice word about what we are doing. The challenge comes when we seek it all the time and when that is the contributor to our self-esteem. This blog post is NOT about people who DO NOT seek praise. By the way, are there such people? 🙂

Why do we seek praise?

–  For others to appreciate what we did?

–  For others to notice what we did?

–  For us to feel that what we have done, is good enough?

–  Because we have not got our fill, from childhood?

Do we seek praise from everyone or from a significant few? And if it is from a significant few that we seek praise, if others praise and these few don’t, we think we have not done a good job? So what about the others, who have taken their time out to praise? Their words are not of any value? What an insult to these people who consider us valuable enough, to offer their praise!!

So what is praise? Dictionary says that it is the approval or admiration of someone or something. I think it is the expressions of one’s feeling towards a job that has met expectations or exceeded it. There are different schools of thought on this – one school says “Praise as and when a job is done, not necessarily surpassed expectations”. Another school says, ‘Praising often leads to mediocrity and dependence. Hence people do their work well only when they think they will be praised.”

There is my school of thought also :-).. Which says, “When people DO NOT get praised often enough, they seek praise often enough too. And they seek it from all and sundry. They may always attempt to put their best foot forward (well intended of course). They may take up many a task, hoping that in at least any one of them, they will get praised.”

When actions are done with the intent to receive a praise, the focus shifts from seeking learning to seeking praise. The shift changes from internal to external. So when the external environment does not  shower the expected praise, the impact is felt by the self-esteem. If you visualize self-esteem as a protective guard with which one faces the world, the person with a low-self esteem (due to expecting a shower of praise from others and not getting it) has a protective guard that is dented. The more the dents, the more it caves inward. The more it caves inward, the more the pressure felt by the individual. To push against the dents, one needs to build internal motivation; and building that is not easy. It needs immense will, strength and courage, as this is the force that will push the dents out.

As pujya swAmiji says, “Nothing is a coincidence.” I was reading a book ‘The Motivation Breakthrough’ by Richard Lavoie, on the ways to motivate children, especially those with Special Educational Needs. He talks about the usage of ‘Encouragement’ as against ‘Praise’. What I understood were ‘Eureka’ moments for me..

– Praise is based on what has been done, which has met or exceeded expectations.. Encouragement is on what has been done that has met expectations, either through the results or through the efforts.. Which means that even if the desired results are not met, the effort that has gone in, is encouraged..

– Praise has its focus on the giver and drives external motivation.. Encouragement has its focus on the doer and drives internal motivation..

– Praise is based on the actions gone by.. Encouragement wills the doer towards the future..

– Praise says, “I will come only when you do good.” Encouragement says, “I will come and stay with you, right from the time that you put your efforts to the time that you get your results. I will also stay with you and by you, when you fail too.” Tell me, what would you want to hear – praise or encouragement? 🙂

I have always thought that it is good to be praised, but it looks as though it is awesome to be encouraged. As I write this blog, I can see this small imp from inside people, popping up to encourage them.. Well, if we can encourage ourselves after every achievement, then our benchmark becomes ourselves, isn’t it? The motivator is driven from within.. Ah!! We don’t need to look up to anyone.. we just need to look into ourselves.. Interesting indeed!!