This chapter seems to be one more, that details a single situation. This is getting more and more unexpected and unanticipated!! What is the situation? Let me give a background before stating the situation (Ah!! Kamban’s style (meaning first and verse later) is what I seem to be emulating – background first and situation later :-))

Kaikeyi is already convinced (due to the influence of Mandarai) that Rama should not be crowned the prince, and that her son Bharatha should be crowned the prince. Mandarai had also reminded her of a time many years earlier, when Kaikeyi saved Dasaratha’s life, and of him telling her to ask two things that she wanted, in return for saving his life (they were a married couple then too). She had told him that she will ask when she feels the need to ask, to which he agreed.

Kaikeyi now decides to ask Dasaratha to fulfill his commitment he made; and when Dasaratha comes to give her the news of Rama’s proposed coronation the next day, she decides to strike the blow. What happens thereafter between Kaikeyi and Dasaratha is the situation. This is actually an emotional dialogue between Kaileyi and Dasaratha.

Dasaratha sees Kaikeyi lying on the floor with her jewels strewn all over the floor. He asks her the reason for the way she is. He also says that he will take to task, whoever is the reason for her state. He says that he will do whatever it takes to alleviate her concerns. She realises that she has the opening that she wanted and she begins her asking.. What does she ask? Two things – 1. Bharatha be crowned as the prince. 2. Rama be sent to the forest for a period of 14 years. She also reiterates on the importance of a king like him keeping a commitment made, and the impact it will have if he does NOT honour the commitment.

As he was not expecting this, the shocked Dasaratha fell unconscious. As he regained consciousness, he was not sure if he had heard it right and when he realised that what he heard was the reality, he became a raging man. His tone seems to be one of aggression, pleading and helplessness. He accuses her of being cruel and unfair in wanting to send Rama to the forest; he pleads with her asking her to show compassion to him, as he is getting old and cannot live without Rama. He expresses his inability to understand why she has suddenly changed her mind, when she herself has said that Rama is more fond of her than he is of his own mother.

Kaikeyi is relentless. She taunts him with examples of kings who have given their commitment and kept it. She questions his role as a king who is reluctant to keep commitments. She reiterates the need to keep a commitment, no matter the circumstance. And finally she throws an emotional gauntlet saying that if he does not keep his commitment, she will end her life before the coronation.

Despite feeling a dejection and a loss of hope, Dasaratha resumes his attempt to change Kaikeyi’s mind. He is still puzzled at the change that has come over her and wants to know who has influenced her mind. He taunts her saying that Bharatha will not accept this as he is more principled that Rama is. He changes the tone to telling her about the impact on him, if he conveys the to people on Rama not being coronated and being sent to the forest and of Bharatha being coronated instead.

He elaborates on what the rishis would say, how the people would feel, how Rama’s mother Kousalya and wife Sita will be affected. He also mentions that he would die if Rama was sent to the forest. He expresses that Rama will just accept what he is told and will not protest, which will make things only worse for him (Dasaratha). He further goes on lamenting about the unfairness and the cruelty of Kaikeyi, using strong words. She does not pay heed to anything he says and reiterates the two things she wanted. She also tells him that he is making a big issue over a small thing and to make sure that what she wanted is done with immediately.

Having attempted everything, right from cajoling to coaxing to provoking to taunting, he realises that nothing will work anymore. He  then expresses his desire to see Rama thereby setting the stage for him to break the news to Rama.

To me, though it was very emotional even reading it, it seemed similar to many situations that we face often. Situations that may happen between a husband and wife, between father / mother, and son / daughter, between son in law / daughter in law and parents in law, between management and employee, between two friends, between a boss and a subordinate etc., The way the situation unfolds, what happens in such situations and how each party speaks,  sounds so similar.

Some learnings and some questions from this situation:

– Know the order of priority of what you are asking from others (if you have more than one thing to ask)

– To fill something, you need to first have a space to fill (When you want someone to listen to what you are saying, you need to clear their mind and then fill that space with what you want to say, thereby avoiding any clutter and thereon a rejection.)

– Avoid making any blank commitments

– Know your limitations of fulfilling a commitment, before you make a conscious commitment

– Refrain from keeping people on a high pedestal and then bringing them down with a thud, especially when they do something that you think they should not do

– What do you do when you are in a situation that seems as helpless as what Dasaratha is in? You are in a situation which is a conflict of two things that you hold dear to you. It could be two people or two values. Will you plead with the other person? Will you get aggressive? Would you talk about the impact you will face if you give up on any one thing? What would you do when you realise that you don’t have the choice that you want to take, and you have no other choice but to face the consequences?

– Build the ability to give in gracefully and find a way to handle the impact that you will face, if for whatever reason you cannot have it the way you want it

– Watch your words and your tone, in such a situation. While you may not be able to salvage the situation, you can feel proud of yourself for handling the situation with aplomb

– Avoid mentioning how others will look at you, if you go against what you want to do, when something else is at stake. You are mentioning it to yourself as much as you are mentioning it to the other person. This will only make you think lesser of yourself and living with that thought, is draining and exhausting

I wish I had read this much earlier. Would have helped to handle certain situations with aplomb 🙂