A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to first read the 3 parts of ‘Stroke in the canvas called ‘The Value of Values’. You may also choose to read the blogs on the values of amAnitvam, adambhitvam, ahimsA (the value of ahimsA is in three parts) kshAntiH, Arjavam, AchAryopAsanam, Saucam, Sthairyam, AtmavinigrahaH, indriyArthesu vairAgyam, anahankAraH and janma-mrtyu-jarA-vyAdhi-duHkha-dosAnudarsanam, asaktiH, anabhisvangaH putra-dArA-grhAdisu, nityam samacittatvam istAnistopapattisu and mayi ananya-yogena bhaktiH avyabhicArinI though they are not a prerequisite to reading this value. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon these values, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

vivikta means solitary

desa (pronounced as desha) means place

sevitvam means to resort to or to inhabit

Nirav: What a surprise seeing you here, Astha!!

Astha: Nirav, it has been years since I saw you. How are you and what are you doing here?

Nirav: Well, I wanted a break from work and came here on a vacation with family and some friends.

Astha: Hmmn.. But is that really a vacation for you?

Nirav: Strange that you should ask me this question now, Astha. I have been thinking about this since morning. There is this constant need to be alone and with myself but just not possible yaar.. There is so much to do and if I am alone with myself for a few minutes, my mind looks for something else to do and I just start doing something else..

Astha: Nirav, I had a reason for asking this question, because this is a question to myself as well. We have also come here with family. We wanted a break too. I just wanted to run away from all the daily chores that I keep doing. We come here and we are running around doing sight seeing. We are literally hopping from one place to another, occupying ourselves the whole day. By the evening we are literally run down on energy.

Nirav: You know what Astha, I love nature and I keep longing to be by the mountains, walk along green fields, sit beside the banks of a river or beach to hear the roaring sound of the gushing water or just seeing the lap of the waves..

Astha (continuing on the same lines): To stand at the shoreline of the beach and have the water just moving thru’ my feet, making my feet go a little deeper in the sand, watch a waterfall coming down the rocks with a splashing sound, sit leaning against a tree and just listen to the chirp of the birds and just look nowhere and everywhere..

Nirav (with a smile): and think of nothing and everything..

Astha: What oxymorons Nirav – nowhere and everywhere.. nothing and everything .. Of late, whenever we are out on a vacation, no matter how short the trip is, I make it a point to take off for sometime to just be with myself.. It could be in a resort or in a beach or at a homestay or at a temple..

Nirav: Interesting!! How do you do that?

Astha: During a vacation, typically everyone wants to wake up a little later or get to bed at the usual time and watch TV and surf channels or listen to some music. I get up early in the morning when sun has not risen or is just rising. If we are at a resort, there is also a lot of greenery. So I just come out to the balcony and squat, preferably with a cup of hot tea :-). There are times when we are at a place where we can see the mountains or the beach and I just sit and look. If I am bored of sitting, I walk around. Most importantly, no headphones and no listening to music; preferably no mobile phone usage 🙂

Nirav: Hey, what’s wrong in watching TV? A vacation is the time when I get to mindlessly watch TV. I call my friends and talk to them. That’s my way of relaxing..

Astha: And what happens when you do all that, Nirav? Do you stop thinking about your work and what you need to do when you come back home? Do you stop thinking about the argument that you had with your boss? or how your children are doing what you don’t want them to do, back home?

Nirav (after a pause): No.. I do think about all that while the TV is running and I keep talking about it to my friends also. The noise goes on, outside and inside, Astha.

Astha: So where is the break, Nirav? What break are you talking about? Where is the mind at rest? Yes, you are relatively refreshed when you get back after the vacation. You have ticked off one more place that you have seen. Then what?

Nirav goes quiet and it is sometime before he speaks, “Astha, why did you start doing what you said you have, during your vacations?”

Astha: When I look at the green grass around, at the huge imposing but welcoming mountain so far away yet so near, at the crashing of the waves near my feet, I just admire them for what they are. I know they cannot be different from what they are. I just accept them for what they are. I am in harmony with nature. Once on a vacation, that is when a question hit me, “If I can do that with all of them, what is it that stops me from doing that to myself? Why cannot I admire myself? Why cannot I accept myself? Why cannot I just be myself? Why should I strive to be different?

Nirav: Oh my god, Astha!! You know what, even when I am on a vacation I dislike myself. Actually what I do at home, I do in the vacations also. I want to escape from home and when I come here, I am actually chaining myself.

Astha: Nirav, for me it reached a point when even when I am at home, something should be on – either the TV or music or I talk with someone at home etc. I am actually a person who loves silence but somewhere and at some time, I started to look for something to engage myself with. It came to a point where nothing would satisfy me. I had my own expectations from myself. I made others’ expectation from me as my expectations. I imagined expectations that others may have on me, and that also became my expectations. Could I meet the expectations? Yes sometimes and no most of the times. If there was silence, then questions will arise within myself (as I am a harsh self critic) and I could not answer them. Over time, I started to dislike myself and that took a heavy toll on my health.

Nirav: Sounds familiar 🙂

Astha:  That’s when I started to do certain things differently when we went on holidays. Believe me, the effect it has had, has brought in a transformation in me. It was not easy though. Whenever I begin to think about what I need to do next, I used to consciously bring my mind back to just be with nature. I learnt to slow down my pace of thinking. Most importantly I learnt to be with myself and I loved it so much. I realised that there is so much in me that I have not yet discovered.

Nirav (with a smile and a light sarcasm): So what do you do? Started to take more vacations?

Astha (also with a smile): If I had wings and all my wishes could come true!! I have started to wake up early at home. Sometimes I just sit on the bed looking thru the window or I get up and sit in the balcony looking at the sky. If I don’t get sleep in the night, I just go sit near the puja altar. I always thought that meditation means something religious. I realised that if I sit with one thought, even if it is something that I have not been able to crack, it is meditation. I think of god who I see as my security and inspiration or I think of someone who I find inspirational; then I think of that which I have not been able to crack. Many times, some options to handle it emerge, I can do all this wherever I am, but in solitude and in silence.

Nirav: Actually Astha, I am not a person who likes to get up early in the morning and if I am not able to sleep I toss and turn, but stay in bed.. I have always wanted to go the huge park near my home, early in the morning and just sit there; but I have not pushed myself to. Listening to you has made me want to really try it as soon as I am back home. Wish we had met again, a few years before, my dear friend.

Astha: Nirav, remember that it will take time. You will have the urge to go back to filling your time with tasks to do, TV to watch and music to hear. All that is fine so long as you are happy and you want to do it, NOT because you want to fill up time to dispel your emptiness, or to get away from the dislike for yourself or to escape from silence.

Nirav: Astha, remember we used to hold hands to promise to each other to do something and that will make us to do it also? Can we do that now, if you don’t mind?

Astha: This is a friendship I know I have missed in the last few years, Nirav. I would also like to do it.

Nirav and Astha (two friends holding their hands and making a commitment to themselves): I will make sure that everyday, I take time to spend some time to be in silence and in solitude, to accept myself, to love myself, to admire the person that I am, to come to terms with the person I am. This time of contemplation will help me in whichever way it needs to..

Did they keep their commitment? Being the optimist that I am, I hope they did (with no expectation though):-)