A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to first read the 3 parts of ‘Stroke in the canvas called ‘The Value of Values’. You may also choose to read the blogs on the values of amAnitvam, adambhitvam, ahimsA (the value of ahimsA is in three parts) kshAntiH, Arjavam, AchAryopAsanam, Saucam, Sthairyam, AtmavinigrahaH, indriyArthesu vairAgyam, anahankAraH and janma-mrtyu-jarA-vyAdhi-duHkha-dosAnudarsanam, asaktiH, anabhisvangaH putra-dArA-grhAdisu, nityam samacittatvam istAnistopapattisu, mayi ananya-yogena bhaktiH avyabhicArinI and vivikta-desa-sevitvam though they are not a prerequisite to reading this value. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon these values, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

rati means love or inclination towards something

arati means lack of inclination towards something

jana means people

samsadi means assembly or collection

aratiH jana-samsadi means lack of craving for company, not reveling in company, not courting company

Please note that this DOES NOT mean shying away from company or a hatred for company either. What it does mean, will be unfolded hereon 🙂

As the values get closer to final ones, every two values seem connected in a way. nityam samacittatvam istAnistopapattisu and mayi ananya-yogena bhaktiH avyabhicArinI were connected to each other in their own way.

vivikta-desa-sevitvam and aratiH jana-samsadi are values that complement each other. They are values that mean a love for solitude or quietude ONLY because one is happy being that way; NOT because it is escaping from something.

It was a get-together that these two men had to attend. They had their own reasons for being in the get-together. Pranay DID NOT want to come to the get-together while Sabari desperately wanted to be there. Both of them were meeting each other for the first time and they were introduced  by a mutual friend. They struck a rapport quickly (is this what is meant by opposites attract?) :-). For the mutual friend who introduced them, this was a surprise to see and this was one situation that stayed in his mind for many more days.

Sabari: So Pranay, you come to these get-togethers often?

Pranay: No, I don’t.

Sabari: Oh, so this is the first time for you here? I have come here for the first time too. I heard these get-togethers happen often. I have been wanting to attend one of these for a long long time but somehow was not able to.

Pranay: I want to go home.

Sabari: Are you mad? Do you know what it is to be here? It is such an amazing experience. I need to be around people always.

Pranay: I want to go home. I did not want to come here. I was forced to get out of my house. If I see so many people I get nervous.

Sabari: What? Really? But why?

Pranay: I don’t know. I get really scared when I see so many people. So I go for very few functions. As for these kind of get-togethers, not at all.

Sabari: You like staying alone? I hate it.

Pranay: I like to stay alone because I don’t want to be around people but am I happy being alone? No, I am not. I feel as though I am missing out on something. I feel as though something is wrong with me and that’s why I am not able to be around people.But why do you hate being alone?

Sabari: I am uncomfortable being alone because a lot of thoughts occur to me at that time. I think of all that I did and did not do and this gives rise to too many questions. I feel I am not good enough and so I literally run away from being alone. I make sure that I meet a friend or am in a gathering but never alone. The problem though is, sometimes I end up being with a group of people who are so negative in the way they think and talk that I feel miserable. There are though at times I am with an amazing group who inspire me, but that’s not often.

Pranay: Strange isn’t it? I prefer being alone because I shy away from being with people. You don’t want to stay alone because you are not comfortable with being with yourself. Both of us are NOT staying alone because we want to.

Sabari: Tell me something, Pranay..

Pranay: Something 🙂

Sabari: Hey man!! You joke also is it? Seriously, tell me – what do you do when you have people coming home?

Pranay: I lock myself in my room.

Sabari: And?

Pranay: And I don’t come out till they go.

Sabari: What do you do till then in your room? Hey, talk man. How many questions to ask you?

Pranay: Well, I keep looking at the door hoping no one in my family will knock on the door and ask me to come out to greet others. I keep worrying about it so much that I am unable to do anything else. I am literally at the edge of my seat all that time.

Sabari: I have always thought that a person who does not have the need to attend such parties is lucky as they can do what they want. I did not know that another angle to this existed.

Pranay: I have always thought that someone who attends parties is a confident person. That they just attend to enjoy themselves.

Sabari: I do enjoy myself when I am with people but I am not as confident as I seem to show.

Pranay: The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?

Sabari: I know that neither of us is doing what we are comfortable with. I think we should learn to be alone, in solitude, in quietude. It is not going to be easy but that’s the only way we will be able to think about ourselves and do what we need to do.

Pranay: Can we do something? Can you come to my place or shall I come to your place? So that I will be with someone and you will be in a place that is relatively quiet.

Sabari: Pranay, I am not for it. I think we should perhaps practice being alone with ourselves and learning to like it also. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be away from people or being with people but that should not be to escape from something. It should be because we want to be with ourselves. I am sure there are so many questions that we have about ourselves, our lives, the purpose of our lives etc. The only way we can try to get answers is also when we spend time with ourselves, in solitude.

Pranay: Sabari, I was very scared to try out this though I have been wanting to. I am so glad that I met you. After speaking to you, I feel much better. If I want to talk to somebody, not to escape from myself, can I call you?

Sabari: Of course you can. I have the same request – if I want to talk to you, can I call? It will take time for me to not have the urge to seek people; if I have the urge, meeting you would help than being with so many others 🙂

A few years later, the mutual friend of Pranay and Sabari met them again. He found that there was a difference in both of them. Can you take a guess what the difference might have been? 🙂