Life is filled with a multitude of emotions and every emotion has its pair.. 

Happy and sad

Envy and content

Restless and calm

and the list goes on.. 

These emotions spring from its root – Expectations. Expectations we have from ourselves and / or from others. When we are filled with emotions that give us comfort like happiness or contentment or calmness, there is that spring in our step, a smile in ourselves and a feeling that makes us take our next step to move on in life, with hope and confidence.. On the other hand when we are filled with emotions that give us discomfort like sadness or envy or restlessness, the way we handle them determines how we live or ‘do not live’ our life; and this many times depends also on whether we are filled with the emotions or overwhelmed by the emotions. 

An action that some individuals take when they are overwhelmed by emotions, screams of ‘It is my life and what I choose to do with it is my business’. And what is the choice taken? The choice of ‘I don’t want to live’. 

A few incidents that I have seen happening or heard of happening when people choose that ‘they don’t want to live’ has made me pen this blog. What follows further on in this blog may give the reader a sense of discomfort or unease.  So read on, setting aside the discomfort or unease..

This blog does not attempt to touch upon the legal implications that follow the act of the individual or the impact this leaves on the near and dear. This blog also does not focus on those political followers who take this extreme step. The focus is on the person who chooses that ‘they don’t want to live’.

There are questions that occurs in our minds when we hear of such incidents.. 

Why did he / she do it?

What made him / her take this step?

What if he / she does it again? (if they survive the incident)

How can we prevent him / her from doing it again?

1. My first experience was when I saw a young lady of about 20 perhaps, jumping off from the terrace of a three storeyed building. It was around 3 in the afternoon when in the summer heat of Chennai, people are in their homes, chilling in their air conditioned rooms or resting with the fans lending breeze. A sudden shouting and screaming made me to run out of my apartment in the second floor. This young lady ran from her block of apartments where she was staying, into another block which was two blocks away. She took to the stairs in such a speed and that the security guard who took the lift could reach the terrace just as she jumped four floors down. Many of us who just saw her jumping could only look helplessly; hearing the security guard attempting to stop her but in vain; or seeing her mother looking from the ground floor in agony. 

The first question that many of us had was, “Why did she do this?”. We came to know later that she was going thru a medical treatment for some neurological challenges that affected her mental health.

2. This father of a 3-year old child had moved into another city as his employment had taken him there. He had left his wife and son in the new place and went back to his earlier place of residence to shift everything from there. He had decided that ‘he does not want to live anymore’ and committed the act which left his son without a father and a wife without her husband. He was a person who was very observant and soft natured –  ‘Why did he do this?’ was the question that was in all our minds when we heard this news. 

3. An octogenarian who has been independent for most of his life and who went thru his own successes and struggles, had a surgery that left him dependent on others to a large extent, for a few years. He was though able to take care of his basic needs. Some frustration in him made him have the feeling of ‘I don’t want to live’. This made him to make a move that shook his family. To them, he was a mentally strong person, alert and aware, with a keen sense of sight and hearing (with no aids whatsoever), even at that age. ‘What made him do this? How can we make sure he doses not do it again?’ was a question that has been plaguing them for days. 

There is one school of thought which says that individuals who decide to take this extreme step are courageous. There is another school of thought that says that these individuals are cowardly. Both the perspectives are perhaps right, in their own way.

This act that they have decided on, certainly needs courage. A courage that is so weak that there is surreptitious planning involved. A planning where they would have visualized their plan in detail; but with a courage that is so weak that they cannot face others, lest they lose their confidence and change their minds.

–  What goes on in their mind as they mull over what they plan to do?

– If they have displayed mental strength for most times in their lives, what is it that makes this mental strength weak enough for them to take this extreme step?

– Is there a helplessness they feel, which makes them think of committing this act?

– What are the statements that they make, gestures that they do, that can alert the others around well ahead of time?

– Are they aware of the impact this act can have on them, mentally and physically, if it fails?

– Does the planning and visualizing that they make, give them a sense of adventure? 

Sometimes we hear that people who commit this act have a history of emotional challenges. This history of emotional challenges may make them show unpredictability, when they interact with others. However, how are they so detailed and careful in planning for the step that they take when they feel ‘I don’t want to live’? Which certainly means that underneath all that unpredictability lies a mind, that also structures..

‘Ecology is also to be aware of one’s actions and how they have an ever widening circle of reactions’. 

If the note they leave behind is anything to go by, they sure are aware of the impact the act of theirs, may have on their kith and kin. Though I wonder, if they are so bogged down by the emotions that overwhelm them, that the only person they can see is themselves!

We are left with many questions when we are impacted directly or indirectly by the act committed by these individuals, who choose ‘not to live’. All these questions most of the time, do not get answered as there is no one to give the answers. And those who survive the act, may also choose not to share much. In either case, at best, we can only guess the reasons. 

A term that I read recently seems so relevant in a situation like this.. Is ‘poor mental hygiene’ the reason for the thought of these individuals, to commit this act?

This blog does not seem to end with a cohesive flow.. I wonder if like the life that is ended in an abrupt and deliberate manner, this blog also ends abruptly!!!