MAnvi’s thAthA found MAnvi in deep thought. It was a practice for him to just be around the same space as her, at such times; and wait for her to be aware of his presence. When MAnvi came out of her thoughts and saw her thAthA,

MAnvi: thAthA, there are times when what we wanted to have, we receive some time later; and that some time can be a few minutes or hours or days or years later. What do we do at those times? We think of all that we have missed before but I wonder if we think about what we have received now.

thAthA: Why this train of thought, MAnvi?

MAnvi: thAthA, I happened to experience a help that was given by someone. Though this gave me a lot of happiness and my mind went over to situations where I have yearned for similar help and didn’t get one. That is when it occured to me that what I didn’t get once upon a time, I am receiving now, in another situation through a different person. I should feel a sense of gratitude isn’t it thAthA, that I am in a space to receive it now?

thAthA: You think you are not having that sense of gratitude now, MAnvi?

MAnvi: I do have a sense of gratitude, thAthA. However, there are times when I have gone back to the past to when I did not receive a similar help; and think of how the situation would have been if I had received the help. And this cuts across different experiences of other types as well – relationships, money, love, affection, joy etc.. The ‘I wish I had received’ is far more than ‘I am grateful to have received now’.

thAthA: Go on, MAnvi.

MAnvi: Why am I not able to just look at this experience as this experience, thAthA? and not relate it to what happened earlier?

thAthA: MAnvi, the ‘I wish I had received’ keeps running like a background score, in the mind. Every experience that triggers the ‘I wish I had received’ is like a string plucked, that increases the volume of the background score. Over this sometimes increasing background score, should be the voice of  ‘I am grateful to have received now.’ How possible is that, in your view?

MAnvi: It is possible but not easy, thAthA. It is a lot of effort to be mindful to say ‘I am grateful to have received now.’ Though I have to say that it feels good to say it.

thAthA: What do you mean by that, MAnvi?

MAnvi: thAthA, when I did not receive something and I kept feeling bad about it, it did not give any joy about feeling bad; but feeling bad about it did seem to fill a void.

When I keep telling myself that ‘I am grateful to have received now’, I am acknowledging what I have received. That acknowledgement also fills the void. This filling of the void, when I acknowledge what I have received, is fully filling it – wonder if that is why it is called ‘fulfilling’!!

thAthA: Interesting choice of words, MAnvi. Feeling bad seems to fill a void while acknowledging what is received fills the void. One also can infer that for some, feeling bad gives a sense of feeling good; interesting indeed!! Though that would be for a short term only, isn’t it?

MAnvi: What you have inferred is interesting, thAthA. Feeling bad giving a sense of feeling good. Wonder if this is why for some people and some times, feeling bad is a state they are comfortable to be in.

Taking a clue from that and in a different way, how can I make acknowledging what I have received, a background score? I presume that when I acknowledge, gratitude will follow.

thAthA: MAnvi, nothing is an accident and there are no coincidences. Every experience is a learning by itself.

A few days back someone told me

– Take each experience as a separate one

– There is help received from every experience – it could be knowledge or relationship or appreciation or whatever

– Acknowledge the experience and the help it gives

– Allow yourself to feel the gratitude for the experience and the help

– If your mind goes back to relate to a previous experience and you have an ‘I wish I had received’ thought, allow it to go but bring it back to ‘I am grateful to have received now’

– The time that is taken to bring it back may be long or short; either is ok.. but bring it back

MAnvi: thAthA, when you say ‘bring it back’ it gives a meaning that being grateful is perhaps our natural state. We have only traveled to a state of ‘I wish’. That travel is temporary?

It was MAnvi’s thAthA’s turn to slip into deep thought, listening to what MAnvi said. In those times, MAnvi’s practice was to just be around the space, as sometimes her thAthA would continue from where they left off. Her own last statements and question left her pondering, while she waited!!

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