There are many moments in your life, when you change the lens thru which you are looking at, the situation looks different. The people in the situation were and are the same, but the way you are looking at them becomes different. Your action towards them changes as well.. All you did was to – Change your lens!!
You have gained a lot of weight and want to reduce it.. You start body shaming yourself (forget others doing it for you) and you start disliking your body and yourself.. You hit a low patch.. To feel better what do you do? You put yourself thru vigorous workouts, an intense diet plan,sometimes a surgery and you lose weight!! There is weight loss but with a lot of dislike raging in you.. Instead, look at yourself with care, look at yourself with love for the person that you are, look at your body as a temple.. a temple in which you reside in.. if you want to keep the body healthy and fit, you need to take care of it and how do you do that – thru physical exercises, a healthy and nutritious diet plan and exuding less toxins towards your self and others.. voila, you start becomig fitter and slimmer than you were before (both in the body and in the mind).. All you did is to – Change your lens!!
You had a big run in with your spouse / boss (some may say that both are one and the same :-)) and you are furious.. Just then a friend / relative of yours messages you.. and that message triggers more anger in you.. all hell breaks loose at that friend / relative, who has no clue of your context.. and then begins a slew of hurtful words.. instead can you pause before getting into any exchange of words? And in that pause, you – Change your lens!!
You want your child to be the way you were as a child.. study hard, do homework on time, be obedient at school, keep things in their place, have friends that parents approved of, no going out to play before exams, perfect in whatever you did (according to you :-)) etc etc etc.. Your child is turning out to be different from the way you were – may listen in the class but minimal study at home, may do the homework on most days but not all days, has lots of friends, many times out of the home and playing, exams or no exams an hour’s play is a must etc etc etc.. you have your way of dealing with it, which isn’t working.. The difference between the ‘even now’ present child in you and the child in your child, is widening.. to lessen this gap, all you need to do is to – Change your lens!!
You took up a responsibilty and you could not execute it as well as you thought you should.. there were many a hidden variable that you had no control over… but being the person that you are, with high expectations from yourself and a harsh self-critic, you lose no time in castigating yourself.. instead, pause for a moment and think of all that happened and reflect.. in that time of reflection, what you need to do is to – Change your lens!!
You meet someone for the first time and you are impressed with them.. a little while later, you get to know something about that person and your first impression changes.. if you think your need to give that person a fair chance, you need to give them more time to understand the person that they are.. and to change your impression again, you need to – Change your lens!!
You think you have had a parent (s) who were exerting all their control on you right from your childhood.. The fear you had of them, in your childhood, slowly turned into anger as you grew older. As you grew, they also did. They still exercise control but you start resisting it / rebelling it.. and slowly hate the control they have had over you, start hating them and perhaps yourself too.. They have grown older / passed on and no longer do you give them an opportunity to exert control over you; but the hatred for them remains in you.. To understand that they have a background which made them be what they are, what you need to do is to – Change your lens!!
There are situations and experiences you go thru in life.. some are pleasant and many are unpleasant, or is it vice versa? Whichever way it is, if you need to live life with less emotional turbulence, you need to – Change your lens!!
Pausing, thinking, reflecting, understanding – while doing all this, it is difficult to remember; but remeber you must to – Change your lens!!
What you do with your life and how you choose to live it is in your hands.. and to do it intelligently and wisely, you need to – Change your lens!!
October 31, 2021 at 11:47 pm
Nicely written Malu.
As I read, the scenes move right in front of my eyes. It is absolutely important to Change your lens, but we also need to consider the fact that other do this too of us including our children, parents, peers and society in general. I too have been trying, it is not the easiest thing to do, changing the spectacles is much easier ๐ .
November 1, 2021 at 12:14 am
Thank you, Sreeni.. A very different perspective indeed and so true that as much as we are changing the lens, so are the others ๐
It is always a work in progress.. to change the spectacles is a lot more work and we would want them to suit our face as well!!
October 29, 2021 at 10:05 am
Very well written malathi, if we all develop this attitude ,a habit ,then most people’s lives will be in peace.
Wishing you Good luck to write more and more…..
November 1, 2021 at 12:10 am
Thanks Radha. It is always a work in progress, isnt it?
October 29, 2021 at 7:07 am
Very well written malathy. Most of us mature with age and change the lens as required and which is good for everyone. This is very much required in this present world .
October 29, 2021 at 7:13 am
Thank you very much, Jayashree.. Growing up is a choice and that is one way we relook at a situation and age gracefully..
October 29, 2021 at 6:45 am
Hi Malathy, so true and well written. In this day of instant messaging, we really need to pause and think before reacting. This helps us understand situations soโฆ much better.
This pandemic has taught me to let go of being judge mental. So much happening in everyoneโs lives. You are right about being more at peace.
October 29, 2021 at 7:04 am
Thank you very much, LK.. true that.. the finger is always there to reply and it takes quite some effort to move the finger away from the keyboard to pause..
October 29, 2021 at 6:45 am
Very thoughtful writing with examples from real life experience. Sometimes no matter how hard you try..being patient, understanding and less judge mental things donโt change. We just have to wait for time for things to change..no quick fix. Just my 2 cents..good luck and keep writing
October 29, 2021 at 7:11 am
Thank you very much, Meera.. Couldn’t agree more..
and that’s a reality that things may take time to change or may not change and to understand that, one needs to change the lens..helps becuase it is not always instant gratification at work..
October 29, 2021 at 4:20 am
Very well written.Definitely all of us have to change our lens as we get older.We are not the same as we were in our teens.Changes for good does happen within us.Expecting more and more like this๐๐
October 29, 2021 at 5:25 am
Thank you so much.. Growing up is a choice ๐
October 29, 2021 at 3:36 am
Pausing and reflecting in any situation has a real calming effect- this is what I try to do when things go out of hand… this wisdom has come after years of reacting very quickly and by that action, burning my fingers and heart!๐
Your way of convincing us to change our lens is too good! Enjoyed reading this….๐๐
October 29, 2021 at 5:26 am
Excellent to hear that pausing and reflecting calms you.. As someone said “You dont need to react to everything. Pick the battles you want to fight”..
October 29, 2021 at 3:01 am
‘All in your hands’ – couldn’t agree more.
October 29, 2021 at 5:26 am
Thank you so much..
October 28, 2021 at 9:09 pm
Key for emotional balance/intelligence, many times change in perspective helps to turnaround situations. As always Malathy has the ability to put across in a simplified way, amazing!
October 29, 2021 at 5:28 am
Thank you so much, Veera.. A change in perpective happens when we change the lens.. sometimes we do it unconsciously.. We need to be more conscious and do it..
October 28, 2021 at 9:07 pm
Thought provoking &so well written Mals!euphimism for stop, take a deep breath and be less judgmental is @change your lensโ!!Life and relationships will be lot smoother and stress free!
October 29, 2021 at 5:29 am
Thank you so much, Jayashree.. As we grow older, this becomes so much important.. Helps to carry less baggage..
October 28, 2021 at 9:01 pm
Fantastic read Mals..thought provoking indeed..u have penned my thoughts to the T..each one’s perception of life n how easily one can change but the change is always from within n never from outside… Luv it gal…
October 29, 2021 at 5:32 am
Thanks da.. Absolutely right, the only person who can change me is me myself..
October 28, 2021 at 7:17 pm
Very true,Malathi.Many a times you wish that alas! ,had I known the real reason for someone’s behaviour,I would have reacted differently.Since it is not possible all the times,(knowing the real reason),we have to change our lens so that we don’t act harshly.very good article.
October 29, 2021 at 5:33 am
True Vinita.. Felt the same way many a time.. Something that I keep telling myself often,”They have a background due to which they are the way they are.” Will take this entire life to reach somewhere on this.
October 28, 2021 at 7:12 pm
Beautifully written mam!! Loved the title given ! Truth of life ..so simple…. Just change the way you look at things and things will get better for u…. But somehow we miss seeing that ….thanks for rekindling it !
October 29, 2021 at 5:34 am
Thank you, Chinmayi.. This was also a way to tell myself ๐
October 28, 2021 at 6:25 pm
Wonderful real life examples! Many people will surely relate to the situations.
Keep writing!
October 29, 2021 at 5:34 am
Thank you so much..