A request and a disclaimer: Before you begin to read this blog, request you to read the earlier published blogs on ‘Emotional Maturity’. They are NOT a prerequisite to reading this blog, though reading them would help in a better understanding of this blog. The language and explanations used by pUjya swAmiji is so profound, that I wish I do justice by aligning my understanding to his explanation, as I parallelly try to relate it to day to day living.. Any error in the way I have blogged upon, on the topic of ‘Emotional Maturity’, is due to an error in my understanding alone.

BhAvanA: What are you smiling for?

PrasAd: Why are you so serious?

BhAvanA: Was thinking about what you said the last rime when we met, about us being able to gladly and cheerfully accept a situation ONLY when it is favorable to us.

PrasAd: Isn’t that natural? We all have our own likes and dislikes. We would like to get what we like and retain what we have (rAgA); and to avoid or get rid of what we dislike (dveshA) . That’s what makes us humans isn’t it?

BhAvanA: Life does give us its share of what we don’t like and that’s a fact, isn’t it? Which means, it is wiser for us to accept our lot of getting what we don’t like, as much as we are able to accept our lot of what we like.

PrasAd: That’s the idealistic situation. Reality is that, when we get what we like we feel secure and happy; and when we get what we dislike, we are unhappy, fearful and anxious.

BhAvanA: Isn’t balancing and handling our likes and dislikes also Emotional Maturity? I guess this is where the ability to handle and face situations in life comes in.

PrasAd: Absolutely, BhAvanA. I really liked a term that Pujya SwAmiji used in one of his talks – ‘to get past’..  To me, it is difficult to let go of our likes and dislikes but we can get past it. Visualise this BhAvanA, and answer the questions that I am asking you.

BhAvanA: I will keep my eyes closed while I visualise, PrasAd. Ignore my closed eyes, if you happen to see that now.

PrasAd: OK. Imagine that you are holding on to something you like. How easy is it to let go of it?

BhAvanA: Frankly, since this is a visualisation I will be able to let go, but in real life, NO..

PrasAd: Now visualise something that you dislike and want to avoid or get rid of. Is it easy?

BhAvanA: This is easy to visualise, PrasAd. The more I want to avoid it or get rid of it, the more it comes to me or it stays with me.

PrasAd (smiling at her candidness): Ok. What happens when you visualise getting past your likes and dislikes?

BhAvanA smiles and stays quiet.

PrasAd also stays quiet not wanting to disturb her time with herself.

BhAvanA: This is a nice visualisation to do, because I see all my likes and dislikes on the floor, in different packages. I am stepping past them and moving ahead. It is as though I AM NOT really paying heed to both my likes and dislikes, and moving forward in life.

PrasAd: That’s an interesting way to articulate your visualisation; and that is why I think the term ‘to get past’ is a powerful one. Getting past one’s likes and dislikes is one way of handling and facing situations, that come our way in life; and a way to ‘Emotional Maturity’.

BhAvanA: PrasAd, this conversation that we are having on ‘Emotional Maturity’ is certainly not coincidental. It has come at a right time for me.

PrasAd: The feeling is mutual, BhAvanA.

BhAvanA: The last few months, I have been watching myself carefully in situations. This has made me discover and understand myself better. You know what – There are many times when I have sought people out, wanting to hear them say something good about me. If they do, I would sometimes wish they said something more. If they don’t then I would feel bad – likes and dislikes again. There are those odd times when I would feel happy to hear them appreciate me.

PrasAd: That’s surprising to hear, BhAvanA. I have always thought of you as a self-contained woman. In fact strangely enough, I go through the same thoughts as you do. Is there an insecurity within us then? Are we displaying immaturity by wanting others to appreciate us?

BhAvanA: I don’t think so, PrasAd. To call ourselves immature shows immaturity :-). I think somewhere we find ourselves wanting. We are unable to appreciate ourselves and hence we look for others to appreciate us, for what we have done. Tell me, if we are unable to appreciate ourselves, why would others appreciate us? And hence even if they do, we are not completely satisfied.

PrasAd: Listening to you, I wonder if the reason we are not satisfied even when others appreciate us, is because the picture is not complete. There is one piece that is missing and you know with who the piece is?

BhAvanA: It is with us?.

PrasAd: Yes,. The best part is that, there are situations when we expect no appreciation from anyone. The reason is that  we know that we have handled it and faced it appropriately and maturely. Many of us are capable of showing ‘Emotionally Maturity’, though inconsistently.

BhAvanA: So what needs to be done to build ‘Emotional Maturity’ with consistency?

PrasAd: Some pointers I think will help:

– Watch your likes and dislikes carefully

– Accept and understand the fact that these likes and dislikes are a fact

– Understand that there is a background to your likes and dislikes

– Get past your likes and dislikes

BhAvanA: Background? Now what is this?

PrasAd: BhAvanA, this discussion has been an eye opener for me also and I can see a sense of overwhelmingness setting in. Can I explain this when we meet next?

BhAvanA: You have a way of putting things in perspective, isn’t it?

Now it is her turn to stand rooted to the spot, seeing the way he put things from a different perspective; and wondered what else is in store for her in this journey 🙂