The last four months on the road to recovery has been a period of introspection,

in the many moments of silence and quietness.

Minimal work to do and minimal moving around,

much time and space in the mind.

One thought that left a huge impact,

was that of – “I wish..”

I wish I can go back to that time (a certain period of time),

If I go back, do I want it in the same way that it was?

honestly, my answer is a no.

I wish I could go back to this relationship.

If I go back, do I want myself in the same way I was?

Certainly a no.

I wish I could go back to the way I handled the situation,

If I go back, would I have handled it in the way I think I will handle it now?

Definitely a no as  the context in which I handled then, was that of then.

I wish I could go back and change the way I reacted,

Can I go back at all?

In my mind yes, in reality no.

I wish I could have decided differently,

Could I have, actually?

Decisively no because what was decided then, was the best decision that could have been made at that time.

I wish I had fallen differently that day,

Could I have?

The answer is hypothetical,

Well, what had to happen, had to happen.

If I didn’t, an understanding of myself would not have happened,

If I didn’t, a quietness would not have befallen,

If it didn’t, this blog would not have been written.

Is there then a use in the thought “I wish..”?

there perhaps is,

in consoling myself and in making myself feel better.

In reality however, “I wish..” is a gone moment – the past that can’t be changed,

“I wish..” is also a future moment hat has no certainity,

‘Now’ is in my hands,

to live,.. just live,

Life is for living the ‘now’. Just live.