As a small baby we clasped tightly, the finger that was extended to us. We have grown, the fingers have changed but we still have not let go of that finger!!! I wonder if we have got so used to clasping a finger that even now as adults we seem to be holding on… holding on to our children so tightly; so tightly that we seem to be sweating in that tightness and our children are wriggling to break free…

Four of us parents had gone together a few months back, to pick up books for our respective children, for a coaching class they wanted to go to.. During the journey, one of the parents asked, ‘Do all of you sit with your children everyday and ask them to narrate what ALL happened in school, their homework etc?  I wondered what was coming next…

She continued, ‘I always used to monitor everything about my son till last year.. I stopped it last year and I see that my sons mark aggregate has dropped by 4% – from 95% to 91% aggregate. Now if I ask him even one question, he just flares up. He tells me not to interfere’. Sitting next to her, I could see a glimpse of tears in her eyes…

There were only two words that kept running in my mind ever since I heard her talking – ‘Let Go’… The moment she asked to all of us ‘What should I do? I am lost’. It seemed to me as though I was waiting for her to ask this question and these two words just slipped out of my mouth… I could see three stunned faces turning towards me…

Once we had picked up the books and were walking back toward the car, we also saw many fast food restaurants near the coaching class… The same parent made the second remark, ‘Pls make sure you don’t send with your children, money to eat in these restaurants. This is all junk food and not good for them. Then my son will also want to accompany them and eat.’ The only response that all the three of us made in unison was, ‘We also are not in favour of junk food; but once in a while, it is fine’

Quite a bit of walking, lugging many books and a good share of talking also made us thirsty.. ‘Healthy drink’ was the first thought and we stopped at a juice parlour to have a sugarcane juice. A very innocent statement by one of us parents, made this lady to just break down into tears – A statement of how demonstrative children are, when they accompany the parents on any outings.. She said, ‘My son does not like me to even touch him. The moment I touch him to point out something to him or to give him a hug, he just moves away’.

‘I don’t know how to handle this. I have completely given up my needs and wants, to be with him. I have dedicated my life to him. I now don’t now know what to do. Have I lost him?’ A slew of these statements from her made the three of us go completely quiet. We just gave her a hug; a hug that was more profound than words, at that point in time…

This incident lingers in me, to this day..

A few days later, I had the opportunity to drive back the boys from the coaching class; while coming back, we got onto a discussion about eating out… This boy, who was the subject of our discussion, was so knowledgeable about all the restaurants – you name the cuisine.. And he spoke with so much of passion about the cuisines and the various

Restaurants specialising in them, that the other boys just stopped talking and looked at him with new glasses…

The discussion then moved to books – his knowledge on the various books and authors was fairly vast – fiction and nonfiction alike.. His width and depth of knowledge stunned me.

A statement from him took me aback and I had to gather myself fast, given that I had to drive everyone back home safely, ‘Please don’t tell my parents anything about this discussion’. What? Why?? were the two questions I wanted to ask him… the timing was not right to probe, I realised..

This entire incident both with the mother and with the boy, made me think – As a parent, I am also responsible for my son’s psychological growth.. When I take many of the decisions that he is capable of taking, I am depriving him of his opportunity to grow, in mental strength…

In most aspects of his life, when I protect him from failures, either by taking the decisions that he needs to take or by shielding him against challenges – I am depriving him of the Golden Opportunity to Learn from failures – ‘Learning the Hard Way’ would make him more wiser and stronger..

When I hug him when he wins laurels in academics, and show a lesser keenness in all his other areas of interest, I am depriving him of ‘Developing Holistically’.

Some questions that I have been asking myself ever since – Do I have a tight leash on my son’s life? Am I running his life or is he living his? Do I control his life or is he learning to handle it himself, knowing that I will always be there, when he needs me?

I am learning to ‘Let Go’…