The source of knowledge for this series of blogs on the Mahabharata, are the talks by Pujya Swami Dayananda Saraswati. Any error in understanding is mine alone.. Not all situations from the Mahabharata are blogged upon; and for those situations blogged upon, parallels are drawn to day to day living.

MAnvi’s fierce expression was an indicator of her thoughts.

thAthA: MAnvi, quite a fierce expression you have!! What brings this expression?

MAnvi: thAthA, if there is a gap between what I want to be and where I am with respect to that, then till I reach where I think I need to be, I keep fighting the gap; or rather fighting in the gap. The gap as I see it is an open loop which frustrates me, irritates me, annoys me and angers me. I am fighting with myself due to all these emotions. I stand in the gap attempting to pull myself to reach where I want to be.. I also keep looking at where I want to reach and attampt to pull it towards me, to ensure that I feel safe and secure. I cannot let go. The more I hold on both sides, the more I feel tied up; there is that feeling of being shackled. That’s a tough and draining mental struggle, thAthA.

thAthA, this is also what Karna, Duryodhana or even a Dhritirashtra may have been experiencing.

MAnvi’s thAthA opened his mouth to ask her what made her connect Karna or Duryodhana or Dhritirashtra to what she started talking about and stopped himself.  Curious to know more, he signaled her to continue.

MAnvi: thAthA, Karna wanted relationships, he wanted power and wanted to rule. There was a gap between what he was, what he had and what he wanted to be, what he wanted to have. He was fighting the gap and fighting in the gap. The fight was being fought in his mind. The others were clear on who he was and what he ought to have. They did not experience the gap that he experienced in his mind. The gap is his perception, thAthA and this caused anger that was directed more inwards and deflected outwards.

thAthA, there are certain relationships we fight for. These relationships matter to us but we think we don’t have them. Here emerges a gap – a gap between what we thik we ought to have and what we think we have. So we fight the gap that exists in our mind and we fight in the gap, with ourselves. The person whose relationship we want may not think the same way as us and therefore there is no gap in their mind (towards a relationship with us). Though they maybe fighting a gap in their mind, for a relationship with someone else who matters to them. We are all fighting our own gaps that exist in our mind, as we perceive them.

Coming to Duryodhana – He was a person who wanted power. He felt that that would give him everything he needed. He saw a gap between what he had and what he thought he ought to have. He too was fighting the gap and fighting in the gap. He was also fighting the gap all alone in his mind.

Quite unfortunately, the others around him including his father did not experience the gap between what he had and what he ought to have; and therefore, no matter how much he tried pulling what he thought he ought to have, towards him, little moved. He was so involved in the fight that it may have been difficult for him to see that he was not only causing injuries to the others but also to himself. Or maybe he did see and chose not to do anything about it, as he was so immersed in the gap.

Just like Duryodhana, some of us love power and when there is a gap between the power we think we have and what we think we ought to have, a fight breaks out in the mind.

thAthA: Go on, MAnvi.

MAnvi: thAthA, I believe that each one of us have the power to desire and that is a given;  having a desire is natural.. However, when there is a gap between the power we think we have and what we think we ought to have, as in Duryodhana’s case, it is a power struggle in the mind. What was given naturally  has been allowed to fester due to a lack of boundary and framework.

There is a struggle of pulling the desire for power toward oneself and simultaneously the push of oneself towards the desire. This constant push and pull creates an imbalance and that results in one taking indecisive actions that have a far reaching negative impact.

thAthA’s silence allowed MAnvi to continue – an acknowledgement between the two of them, of the absence of a gap in their thoughts 🙂

MAnvi: Duryodhana’s power struggle wasn’t very different from that of his father. The gap between the power he thought he needed to have and what was given to him, was one that he fought with and in. Dhritirashtra was blinded by himself and he also chose to mute himself. With every prowess of the Pandavas he heard, the gap just seemed to widen and deepen, in his mind. The frustration caused due to fighting the gap, seemed to throw off on to the others. In the case of both Duryodhana and Dhritirashtra, their need to lessen the gap made them manipulate people and situations.

thAthA, these are just some situations and examples. There could be many more reasons for the gap – things, resources, achievements etc that one has and what one thinks they ought to have. Be it a Karna, Duryodhana, Dhritirashtra or each one of us, this fighting the gap or fighting in the gap with ourselves is also due to a feeling of helplessness, inability to handle the gap, anger at not being able to do much about the gap etc.

thAthA: MAnvi, as a word – ‘gap’ seems small isn’t it? Listening to you, it appears otherwise.

MAnvi: thAthA, the gap is in the mind and it takes different distances depending on how we perceive it.

thAthA: Hmmn.. So if the problem is us, then the solution also is us?

  • What if we let that gap go?
  • What if we just accept the gap?
  • What if we put our effort into what we think we need to do and just keep moving on?

In all of these three, the fight doesn’t happen. The one question that may arise is – How practical is this? One wouldn’t know the answer unless one tries it.

MAnvi: thAthA, I have one more question – What if we walk away from that gap? Then too we are neither fighting the gap nor are we fighting in the gap. The benefit here is that we walk towards something that needs our time, our value, our attention and most important of all, our priority.

MAnvi’s thAthA closed his eyes for a moment and could clearly visualise MAnvi doing that – just standing tall, turning in the direction of what she needs to focus on and just walking or rather marching on. He always believed that one needed to be a student in life from breath to death; and he felt himself to be one at that moment.